Sometimes bad news can have a way of making you feel better. In this case, it makes me feel a bit less crazy. I realize that’s sounds counter intuitive so let me explain.
For a really long time, especially with Gavin, it was so incredibly frustrating that he would behave the way he did at home but when at a relatives house, we get a report of great behavior when he returns.
The truth is, his behavior wasn’t perfect and he had problems. However, our family felt guilty telling us that. They didn’t want us to feel bad. That was really sweet of them. However, this didn’t have the intended impact on Lizze and I. Instead, it made us feel like we were crazy.
Sometimes as parents, we need someone to validate what we are going through. In some really weird way, I needed to hear that they experienced the same behavioral problems that we did. I needed to know ow that this wasn’t only happening to us at home.
Does that make sense?
Back to my main point.
Lizze spent most of Saturday with her Mom and aunt. At some point along the way, Lizze’s Mom informed her that Gavin wasn’t really doing so well anymore, behaviorally.
She explained that the honeymoon phase is definitely over and much of what we had been seeing at home has been shining through. They’re seeing more meltdowns and frustration from him. She said that they are able to handle it now but they don’t know for how long. Gavin’s in the middle of puberty and he’s getting bigger and stronger. This makes him more dangerous and difficult to control.
Most people would hear this and assume it’s bad news. However, when I heard this, I felt some weird sense of relief.
I felt like, it’s not just us.
I think that as special needs parents, we are always wondering or worrying if we are doing the right thing at any given time. Holy crap, I feel like that all the friggin time.
It’s so reassuring to hear that we weren’t the problem.
I know that sounds bad but you know what, it’s the truth. It feels good to know that he’s doing some of the same thing to his grandparents that he does to us. It means that we were doing okay.
It’s not about blame or anything like that. What it is about, is feeling more confident in my parenting skills and that we’re probably doing alright by Elliott and Emmett. Basically, the problem is within Gavin and wasn’t us, as his parents, doing something wrong. We worry sometimes that it was us because he seemed to be doing so well in his new home.
Speaking for myself, it had me questioning myself what we have been doing with the other boys.
Maybe I’m not explaining this well. Hopefully, at least someone will read this word vomit of mine and be able to relate. 🙂
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