Perhaps this sounds like a really dumb question and maybe it is. However, it’s one that I’m going to ask anyway.
Can it ever be bad to positive?
The reason I ask is because we are involved in a program called Wraparound. This program helps families to locate and obtain resources that are vital to a families survival. It’s a really good program and would recommend it to others in need.
Having said that, Wraparound is built around being positive. I can’t remember how they actually word that but you get the point.
Basically, the program focuses in the positives and celebrated the victories. This isn’t a bad thing.
However, what about the times when there isn’t really a positive? Let me give you an example.
At our last Wraparound meeting, one of the workers mentioned that they had been in contact with Lizze’s parents in order to find out if they needed anything. This was really cool that the support services were wrapping around her parents as well.
She reported that Gavin is doing well. She said that Grandma reports that the honeymoon phase is over and they are still seeing a few problems but they can easily redirect him. When you word things that way, it seems like a positive thing, and to an extent it is.
However, the reality of the situation is this. The honeymoon phase is over and Gavin’s behaviors are worsening. They are seeing more and more meltdowns but are able to manage them for now. They are growing more and more concerned that as Gavin continues to get bigger and stronger that they will no longer be able to manage him.
What I just wrote comes straight from Lizze’s mom.
Can you see the difference? Both are true but one is spun in such a way that it appears to be very positive, when in reality, things aren’t going so well.
We’re running into the same thing with the school, to an extent. His teacher reports that Gavin is doing great, however, Gavin is reporting that he ends up in the office for his out of control behavior. While it’s true that Gavin does get himself under control, he’s having to do that in the school office.
When these situations are spun in a positive way, it makes me feel like I’m friggin crazy or a bad parent.
All we are hearing is how wonderful Gavin is and how well behaved he is. We’re celebrating all these victories and Lizze and I are left feeling like we’ve done something wrong.
I don’t understand why we have to be positive, especially if the reality is otherwise? Pretending that things are better than they are isn’t going to help Gavin. If the school, Lizze’s parents or my parents are experiencing issues with Gavin, I want to know..
Not only does it help us to get him the help that he needs but it also validates everything that we have been through with him.
In other words, we feel less crazy. While it’s not all about us, it really does help when you know that others are seeing or experiencing the same thing. It helps me to feel more confident about my parenting skills when it comes to the other 2 boys.
I’m all about being positive but it’s equally if not more important to be realistic and practical as well.
This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos. I know how to spell but auto-correct hates me. 😉
For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.
Rob, I think you and your wife are wonderful parents. I get what your talking about. Being positive is one thing and reality is another. I hope that your problems with Gavin lessen, but I know I also have a son who is getting older and as he is getting older he is getting more aggressive and I am experiencing more and more meltdowns and sometimes I worry also because my son is very big for his age and I just hope I am able to handle him in the future. He is having one right now .Must go. Trish, Dalby, Queensland, Australia.
@TrishMorrin hang in there and stay strong.