I want to apologize for being so hit and miss as of late. We’re kinda going through a really rough time and I’ve been and still am, sick.
I’ve got a few really cool things in the works for the month of April and that’s taking up a bit of my time.
There is just so much going on anymore and I’m really overwhelmed.
As you likely already know, on top of everything we have going on with Lizze and the boys, I’m struggling with depression. Having been on medication for awhile now, I’m doing better than if I hadn’t talked to my doctor. However, at the same time, medication doesn’t just make depression go away.
There’s no question that the right medication can help but it’s still a ton of hard work.
Every single day it’s a struggle to even get out of bed. I’m going to share something that I haven’t shared with you before. Almost every single post I write anymore just takes so much out of me.
It’s like my soul is all plugged up and I have a really hard time writing about how it feels. I know it’s still there, it’s just not as free flowing as it once was. I always feel great having finished a post but it takes so much more effort than it used to.
Some might suggest I take a break from writing for a bit but I don’t know if I could actually do that.
Even if I could, I don’t think that would really make a difference.
As weird as it may sound, writing for me has become a blessing and a curse. Writing has become a huge outlet for me and a way to connect with so many people in the world. At the same time though, it’s also frought with frustration and road blocks.
I don’t really even write about Gavin anymore because I’m so devastated by everything going on with him. It’s like getting the wind knocked out of me, every time I try.
Even writing positive things has become far too painful.
I’m really having a hard time coming to grips with the direction our lives have taken.
When I do write, I honestly don’t really hold anything back. When you read this blog, you’re getting a really accurate picture of what’s going on.
There are some things I don’t like to talk about very often, unless I feel the situation could prove educational or insightful to others. Those things typically revolve around financial things and aren’t always things I want to focus on.
Other than what I mentioned above, you guys all have a front row seat to our lives and our journey.
At the risk of sounding way too cliché, I feel like maybe everything is just finally catching up to me.
I mean, as things become more and more complicated, the weight on my shoulders becomes heavier and heavier. Today alone, I lost track of the meltdowns I lived through.
Poor Emmett is just so sensory sensitive, he’s like a raw nerve. Everything seems to be overwhelming for him and his constant pursuit of perfection, never seems to lead him to a peaceful existence.
Elliott is riding an emotional roller coaster with anxiety at the controls and letting him off.
Lizze is in such a bad place right now. Between all her pain, all the things with the boys and the imminent loss of a very close family member, she’s just about had it.
Being the captain of this ship is quite overwhelming and scary. The GPS is broken and I’m not gifted when it comes to navigatimg by the stars.
My goal is to find a safe port for my family but the weather is stormy and without a lighthouse to guide us……
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