Confessions of an #Autism Dad: I’m only human



I’m totally aware that the meltdowns are not their fault. I also know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum.

What I don’t know, is how much more I can take today.

Good lord, it feels like it’s been one meltdown after another.  Emmett’s been a constant stream of screaming and melting down,  over God only knows what. 

Trust me, if I could identify the stressor, I would do horrible things to it and make it go away and leave him alone.  Of course, if the stressor is one of the other boys, that would make me a monster so scratch that idea. 



The ugly truth is that even though I know, these meltdowns aren’t his fault, they are quite literally driving me crazy. 

I can feel myself cracking on the inside and so I had to go wake up Lizze who was trying to get some rest, after giving me a nap. 

As I’m writing this, I can hear him freaking out.  I’m hiding upstairs right now so I can collect myself.  Sometimes, even grown up have to put themselves e’s into time out so that they can get themselves under control.



There’s nothing wrong with feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by your Autistic child.  This is however something wrong with letting yourself get so frustrated that you snap and say or do something, you will later regret. 

image

Look, I’m human and have an entire friggin buffets worth of crap, all crammed onto my tiny plastic plate. 

I know what it’s like to feel frustration, exhaustion and even anger or resentment because of behavioral issues related to my special needs kids.  In fact, at times, I’d swear that I have the market cornered. 

Having said that, those feelings are just a part of my biggest weakness.  That weakness, is being a human being tasked with super human responsibilities. I would probably be more worried if I never felt these things.  It would make me feel like I was a ticking time bomb. 

Personally, I’ve chosen to embrace these feelings and not best myself up over them. 

I love my boys more than anything in the world.  Feeling frustrated or even resentful of their behavioral issues doesn’t change a damn thing. 

All it does is show that I’m still only human….


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Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. 😉

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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Jadean Leaft
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Jadean Leaft

I totally feel for you, dad. Church is a rough thing for us sometimes and the other day all he wanted was an otter pop. I had no idea.

katesmith
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katesmith

from kate smith I am a person who has aspergers. It
is hard to be a grown up with aspergers. The world is not a very forgiving
world if you have any autism at all. No one understands me. Not my family or
my friends really understand me. My Doctor understands me , and he is a great
doctor. I really don’t have much support other then the doctor. I don’t think
my father cares much for me at all.

lostandtired
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@katesmith you have friends here.  I’m so sorry for what you have been through.  Stay strong, be yourself and know that we are thinking about you.  🙂

Adam Wrzesiński
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Adam Wrzesiński

Every meltdowns have to finish. I send You good vibes:)

Nicola Louise
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Nicola Louise

Really needed to read this today. Thank you!

lostandtired
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Nicola Louise I’m so glad that I was able to help.  My thoughts are will you.  🙂

MarciaDalyABAServicesLLC
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MarciaDalyABAServicesLLC

I think you hit the nail on the head. You seem to have really embraced the power of forgiving yourself. I just started reading this blog and I like it already. I am a behaviorist and I work with this population, and have for over 10 years, starting with my nephew. Autism has touched my family in a very big way and I love to hear of parents who are allowing themselves time-outs and rescuing themselves. It’s so important! Keep up the good fight 🙂 thanks for the post.

lostandtired
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MarciaDalyABAServicesLLC you are quite welcome.  🙂

LauraHStuart
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Thank you for your willingness to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Your courage is is helping and supporting others who are on similar journeys.  Thank you!