Holy Hell, I hate making these decisions

Gavin has been having some problems the last two days and we’re having to address these issues.  This isn’t even remotely fun and honestly, I hate every minute of it.

Yesterday, I was in the bathroom and Gavin was in his room reading. 

Elliott and Emmett were playing in their room and Lizze was at yet another funeral for a family member that’s passed away. When I came out of the bathroom, Gavin was standing in the hallway, hanging out with Emmett.

Gavin is not allowed to be alone with his brothers. He knows this.

Dr. Patti, Lizze and myself have talked at length with Gavin about this rule.

He understands, at least to some degree and has removed himself from situations that would allow him to be alone with his brothers in the past.

So we know that he is aware of the rule and understands what is expected of him. 

Regardless of how it makes me or Lizze feel, we have to have zero tolerance policy when it comes to this because it’s a safety issue.

Dr. Patti says that we have to essentially remove him from family activities when this rule is violated. I really hate having to do this because it feels wrong but he has to learn and because of who Gavin is, we have to resort to more extreme, outside of the box methods.

He also can’t watch TV or use his tablet for anything other than reading.

We were hoping that it wouldn’t come down to this but it has. 

Unfortunately, as bad as this makes us feel as parents, Gavin doesn’t seem to care.  He simply visits his imaginary world’s and is oblivious to everything going on around him.

I don’t know what to do.  The consequences are seemingly pointless anymore.  Nothing really seems to impact him and he never seems to learn his lesson.

I really hate having to find ways to make him understand because we have to become more and more creative and more and more aggressive.  Because we never hit our kids, this can prove to be challenging.

The other side of the coin that really bothers me is the fact that we have no way to really know for sure when Gavin legitimately forgets something.  We know he has memory issues but they appear to be inconsistent.  He can remember really difficult things but won’t remember taking his medications 5 minutes later.

I don’t know how to do these things without feeling terrible. 

The truth is that with a difficult and complex child like Gavin, there is absolutely no instruction book and very few people that can help us to know what to do because there are simply too many pieces to the puzzle and no one knows where they go.

And yet there is still another side of Gavin that is aware of our being conflicted over how to address these issues and so he will exploit his health issues. 

I know how this sounds but it’s the honest to God truth. 

He will attempt to fake his more severe health related symptoms in an attempt to get out of work at school or avoid getting into trouble at home.  Unfortunately he us, he’s really good at this and so we never know for sure what’s going on and don’t like to take chances.

We also hear all the time how he doesn’t remember.  Yet if I ask him a series of questions of recent events, in a bid to try and gage WTF is going on, he can remember everything but what he claims to have forgotten. If that even makes sense.

image

There are times that I truly believe that he forgets or can’t remember.  In these moments, he tends to get very angry with himself and typically melts down.

When  he’s trying to pull one over on us, he’s usually really matter of fact  about it but not always. 

Thankfully we have Dr. Patti in two days and we can brainstorm how to address this whole thing. Until then and even after, I’ll continue to feel guilty. Honestly, I don’t need any help to feel guilty about this. It’s a terrible situation and it’s also not one that anyone can armchair quarterback either. 

If you don’t like what your reading, please just move on and visit someone else’s site.  I’m happy to listen to your thoughts, even if you don’t agree.  I simply ask that you please be tactful and try your best to be respectful. 

This is a very difficult situation and the amount of pain, stress and frustration this causes is nearly impossible to put into words. 

I ask that you keep this in mind.


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lostandtired

Comments have been getting chewed up today. Sorry about that, I’m not removing anything.

AMDuser

Rob me being a aspie were my opession is computers I will describe the way I can best as I got out of it basicly from what you described, But even my stuff is cryptic to the regular person.  
Basicly what I get the brain’s RAM is iffy and maybe R/W errors happens sometime, then there are times were the brain will mess up on the transfer what is in RAM to the HDD in the brain. 
I will say there are times were my mind does that to, sometimes I will forget that I took my multi-vitamin and I have to actually scan my memory to see if I did or didn’t.

Silachan

” He can remember really difficult things but won’t remember taking his medications 5 minutes later.” I’m like this, my ADHD makes my short term memory junk unless it’s something that really stuck out to me or I thought about it multiple times within a short period of time. I can remember tons of detailed information that I learned years ago. I can remember specific incidents from years ago. I can soak up information like a sponge and repeat it back to you- but if you tell me to go put the clothes away and then make a sandwich, i’ll forget what you said the second i walk into the room. I cant say what’s going on with gavin obviously, but that’s something that happens with me. I can remember rules put in place as long as they’re repeated multiple times and I repeat it back, and then paraphrase it in my own words. “Do not play rough with the kitty” said by mom, said by me: “Don’t play hard with the kitty. Don’t tug on kitty’s ears or tail, or do anything to her that will make her flick her tail and hiss at me.”

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