Do you care what other people think?

This is pretty simple to ask and perhaps a bit more difficult to answer. I’m asking you this question as it relates to parenting but more specifically, special needs parenting.

Do you care what other people think?
Personally, I have learned not to wear my heart on my sleeve, so to speak. This is especially true when putting yourself out there, as I have.

Having said that, as a special needs parent, there aren’t a whole lot of absolutes, especially when it comes to parenting kids with Autism, or kids with Autism and very, very serious mental heath issues.

Generally speaking I can take a few punches from people over parenting decisions my wife and I have made. Whatever….right?



However, I tend to become more aware of criticism when it’s over something that is impossibly difficult to manage and we are absolutely doing the best we can.
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It’s really easy to sit back and watch our lives through your computer monitor but it’s something entirely different to walk even 10 feet in our shoes. I would imagine that’s true for a lot of you out there. People shouldn’t judge unless they’ve walk a few feet in your shoes.

That stuff really gets to me.

I don’t so much take it to heart or feel like, dang, they’re right, I’m a terrible parent. It just sucks to have someone armchair quarterbacking. Most of the time, I highly doubt that they have any experience and they just like to stir things up.

Even so…. It still gets to me at times…

How about you? Do people’s thoughts and comments about your parenting ever get to you or do you not care what they think?

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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thefuzzycabbage
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thefuzzycabbage

Yes and no. I try not to let what others say get to me because most of the time they really have no idea what they are talking about. It’s easy to stand back and pass judgment, while it is completely different to actually experience something firsthand. A lot of people are quick to hand out parenting advice, and from my experiences, I’ve found that most of them do not have any experience raising a special needs child whatsoever. So really they have no room to speak because their approach to parenting might actually be completely different if they were… Read more »

Mvanhoek
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Mvanhoek

I would have to admit, it hurts. The stares at my child and me when out in public, the comments from people who intend for you to hear them, but act as a whisper was said… But more so, from the people who know us. Know we give every second of our heart and energy to give our son all he needs. The ones who say maybe more discipline , maybe psychotic meds might help.. Why don’t you consider putting him someplace… Hate that you’re always stuck with him.. It’s baffling and sad to me. But it’s easy to look… Read more »

lostandtired
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thefuzzycabbage Mvanhoek very well said.  I totally understand.  Do you remember the movie Powder? If not, rent it.  He has the ability to make others feel what someone else if experiencing.  How perfect would that be. Talk about gaining perspective.

Lee Trimnal Hutson
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Lee Trimnal Hutson

Not really !!

Michael Henshaw
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Michael Henshaw

Lets face it, we all do to a point, but find that our skins have become calloused by comments of the ignorant.

MeaghanGood
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MeaghanGood

I have the picture of the kitten looking in the mirror. I gave it to my boyfriend as a surprise gift one time. He loves cats.

dotdash
Member
dotdash

I had a friend whose oldest child was “easy” — compliant, polite, loving, sweet.  And she told me that secretly inside, she patted herself on the back for being a good parent during those years and she looked at people with difficult kids as if they hadn’t done as good a job.  Secretly, of course, because she is a wonderfully kind person who would never say anything to another parent.  But inside, she was sure she was a good parent.   And then her youngest was born.  And this child was different:  defiant, challenging, etc.  She said she got a… Read more »

lostandtired
Guest

dotdash very very well said. That story could be a great teaching tool.

Mvanhoek
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Mvanhoek

Thank you for sharing this perspective. While I don’t see my child as difficult defiant challenging, but, unique, brilliant, speculative, loving, and a blessing, I guess there are those don’t see the gift of what our children really are. But moreover I feel compelled to share that I believe something can be done. We can teach others to show compassion and kindness to all. Advocate and share what we need. That’s how people learn. That is how people understand. So I share just as rob does int the believe that many will see and change their narrow views. Will accept… Read more »

lostandtired
Guest

Mvanhoek well said.  🙂

MeaghanGood
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MeaghanGood

Mvanhoek “I feel compelled to share that I believe something can be done.” I have the same thing. I run a huge missing persons database — the largest privately run one on the internet in fact. It’s basically been my only accomplishment in life. And there are other MP databases, and on my blog a few times I’ve posted lists of what I think those databases should do. Suggestions for improvement, basically. It’s basically me thinking aloud, and also trying to get a discussion going in the comments. But a few times I’ve had people basically be like, “Who do you… Read more »