The fine line between frustration and resentment

Today has been one giant cluster fu@k.

Lizze was definitely not doing well today and went to bed around 10am. I woke her up in time for me to do an interview with a newspaper in Salt Lake City and get the boys from school. 

When I arrived home around 3pm, Lizze wasn’t feeling good and needed to go back to sleep. 

I’m so frustrated because I was supposed to go grocery shopping and take the boys to see Dr. Pattie tonight.  Normally, I would just take the boys by myself but Elliott was home sick again today and so it’s not that simple. 

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Lizze can’t stay awake to watch him and unless I take him with us to Dr. Pattie’s, I would have to cancel tonight for everyone. 

I know this isn’t Lizze’s fault.  She’s sick and dealing with and being treated for chronic pain, severe depression, PTSD and a untreatable sleep disorder, along the lines of narcolepsy.

I’m not angry or resentful.  I’m tired and running on fumes.

That being said, it’s so incredibly frustrating because this puts a tremendous amount of pressure on me to pick up the slack and often puts me in a position where I can’t win no matter what I do.  By win, I mean come up with a solution that works without someone having to pay a price. 

I was going to cancel Dr. Pattie tonight but Emmett will freak out because these appointments are part of his routine and are very important to him. 

Gavin won’t care one way or the other. 

Elliott isn’t feeling well but he’s not contagious. It’s his sinuses and he’s got a bad cough.  He would be okay to go but it’s not the ideal situation. 

Having said that, I might choose that over Emmett melting down because we shook up his schedule and routine. 

Nothing about this is simple.  Nothing about this is easy.

I’m really frustrated and overwhelmed because I just want one thing to go as planned.  When everything gets shifted and the days plans get turned upside down, as they have again today, life becomes so much more complicated and exhausting.

Despite how this may sound, I’m not angry or upset. I don’t blame my wife in any way shape or form.

There is a world of difference between frustration and resentment. Sometimes it may be a fine line but that line is always there.

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉



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Lost and Tired

rjones22 Lost and Tired  no problem.  Congratulations on the new job.  That’s got to be such a huge relief.  Please take care of yourself and don’t worry about the site.  Well always be here.  🙂

rjones22

Lost and Tired  rjones22 thanks so much! I got my new job so I will be poor for a couple of more months but then I will be able to help keep the blog up. I am so glad you go out of your way to have this blog.

Lost and Tired

rjones22 you’re more than welcome.  Feel free to say whatever you need to say, that’s why I’m here.  🙂

rjones22

i can feel you on all this Rob. It is so weird that you say the things that I think and cant/won’t  write down and instead i push those  thoughts to the back compartment in my mind. I always feel I am walking on a tightrope (probably because I am) as I am holding it all together and for some reason a wrench (or three) gets thrown in. In these kind of situations (that seem like are everyday which they are not) i fall back to the good ole “everybody is alive, nobody is in the hospital and the lights are on!” i wonder why I have my whole life been afraid to write things down. I have even brought my kids up like that, we dont know nothing we didnt see anything and dont write anything down and what goes on in our house stays in our house. WTF is that about. When i was young with my mom and then grown up with my now ex husband we never had trouble with the police or anything or anything to hide really so i dont know where all that comes from. Again, this is the only place i have written down anything personal on the internet or on paper (thanks Rob for the outlet) but then I sometimes get a panicky feeling when I think I have said too much. I wonder where it comes from for real. I am 47 years old and watch oprah and should have been “journalling” for years. But heck no. I thought people were crazy as in “you dont write stuff down”.

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