Confessions of a depressed #Autism Dad: We just lost our van and it’s my fault

Please know going into this post that I blame only myself for what I’m about to share.  I’m not proud of this but it’s a pretty big deal and there’s no way to deny the impact this is going to have on my family. 

For some reason, I couldn’t sleep tonight.  I was trying to get some work down, as I’m building up this site and getting ready to start my new job. 

The other part of me was just too stressed out to sleep. 

When I finally gave up and went to let the dogs out before heading to bed, I saw that our van was gone. The truth is, I’m pretty sure that it was repossessed. I’ve never had anything like this happen before but at the same time, things haven’t been this bad before. 
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Last night, I had this dream that the van was repossessed but I was able to get it back. 

If I’m to be honest, I’ve been worried about this.  Chase has been amazing in their willingness to work with us but they can only go so far.  I’m not angry at anyone but myself. 

This is my failure and no one else’s.

The ironic thing is that the repo guys probably won’t get very far because the van is almost undriveable right now.  Anytime you stop, it stalls out. 

All I can say is that I’ve done the very best that I can do, especially given the circumstances.  I’m sure I’ll face a bit of criticism for this one but I know I’m doing everything that I can and I’m going to try and take solace in that for now. 

It’s easy for some people to sit back and judge.  What’s not easy is taking a step back and trying to imagine what it’s like to walk a mile in my shoes. 

I’ll have to make arrangements in the morning to get the kids to school. While I don’t condone misleading the boys in anyway, they don’t need to know this.  As far as they will be concerned, the van is in the shop getting fixed.  If they new the truth, they would panic and be unduly stressed out. 

It’s really hard to lay here right now and not know what I’m going to do. I feel really, really small. I’ve let my family down once again.  To make things worse, I had to wake Lizze up and tell her what happened.  She needed to be prepared for when the boys come running into the room to tell us that the van was stolen again.  

The ironic part about all of this is that it’s almost the two year anniversary of our old van being stolen.  It was just after the first of the year, when I was walking out to the van and two guys jumped into it and took off. 

That’s what led to us being forced into buying this van and thus our downward spiral began.  I somehow managed to keep things going for almost two years and that was no easy task. 

As bad as this event is, truthfully, it’s among the least of my worries.  I’ve got so many things on my plate right now that believe it or not, rank higher on the list of things I’m stressed out about. 

I’ve got Gavin, only 3 days outside of his last life threatening Autonomic Crisis.  Lizze is not doing good at all and right now, that’s all I can say until she’s comfortable talking about it publicly. The other two boys have their own struggles right now as well.  I’m truly doing the very best that I can.

I suppose there’s always a chance that it was stolen but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t. 🙁

If you could spare a few positive thoughts and prayers, I could really use them about now.  Contacting Chase in the morning will be my top priority.  I need to figure out exactly what I need to do to get this fixed.

I hope your Monday is going better than mine. 

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉



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rjones22

2persons Yeah, some families need that much assistance. How much are you in for? I think he has a po box you can send a money order too.

rjones22

BelendaKayKemp I am scared too.

rjones22

pleaseandthanks Not that I am answering for Rob, in regards to netflix how do you know he pays for it. My grown son has nextflix and i can log in from my house states away and use his nextlix leagally. I don’t know why i replied to this I hope you dont see this rob as it will bring up the thoughts again. sorry but thanks for letting me write here on your blog because it really has helped my life. How about that for an accomplishment!! For Real!! and you are kinda busy with your wife and kids and actually impact other people and their families in such a positive and helpful way, and somebody wants to talk about netflix. I know this is tmi but my exhusband was mad because his sister was able to get a nice regular ok house from fha or something and he didnt think she deserved it because i guess she didnt work for it, she was a bad mother, person or whatever he thought. I told him that was terrible. she had a kid. be glad she was able to get the house whatever way she did and give her some credit too. she had a kid and he didnt want her to get a break. Something was wrong with him and we got divorced after six months of marraige and that is one of the reasons. My God. At least I had the sense not to stay and make sure my kid and dog wasnt around him anymore ever. I am not hating, I am just thankful that someone that would think like that is out of my life and has been for 2 or 3 years

Lost and Tired

upliftingfam thanks.  I think I may have found a solution for the van and yes, my parents are letting us borrow their car.  Thank you so much for being such a nice person.  🙂

upliftingfam

pleaseandthanks He uses this site to make money and to share his struggles with other families.  I think you should cut him a bit of slack here.  He struggles because his wife can’t work due  to her own medical struggles and the kids need full time care even during the school day.  There are dr appts, running errands to take care of the family, laundry time, dishes, and I see that Rob is trying to do all he can with what he has been given.  I pray that Lizzie can get SSI or disability and that they can turn things around. 

Rob I am sorry that you lost the van, I wish you luck figuring it out.  I know that God will get you of of this mess.  Maybe if you can start over with something that doesn’t need as much work once you get your tax return it might be best.  Does someone have a car you can borrow until you get things figured out so that you can get the boys to their appointments?

2persons

Rob,
This is a very difficult situation and there is no end in light. With time, I see it getting worse, which includes, loosing bigger and fundamental things that are keeping your family intact. It looks like only way problems will be solved, when someone is constantly stepping in, paying bills, all the basic needs. Also count for the normal day to day distress such things breaking down, kids being sick and you both being sick too. Do you think that is practically possible, that someone else will provide the solid financial support that our family needs to stay afloat. I am not judging, but this is something that is against the rule that world works with. If that was not true, no one will go through hard ship.

Lost and Tired

jillhill2 here we go……

jillhill2

@pleasesndthanks I think rob is far from driving a bmw! And he needs this web site to solicit donations and hand outs, which his family relies on to survive so he can’t stop paying the web hosting costs!

MikeNYvetteKennedy

My positive words to you are I love you guys and as hard as this is you will get through it some how, some way.  Know that if there were anything I could o help I would in a heartbeat and tell Lizze I am not angry with her that she didn’t call me back this morning 😉  Seriously though, I love you guys.

Michelle Kantz

Praying for you and your family.

rjones22

pleaseandthanks I wish you wouldnt have written all that. It is very hurtful for no reason at Christmas to a man that has three Austistic kids and a very very sick wife. I am one of those people that can’t believe you took the time to write that and for what positive reason. Maybe you have something going on at your home and I am sorry I can’t help you either (not that you said or may even need help) but these really are good people and parents. Love to your family and pray for Rob’s if you can as they really really need it and so do a buch of bad off other families.

Dwayne Murphy

I hope that those two guys who stole your original van get what they deserve. The horrible thing is that they did it right in front of you and the boys.

redthread16

pleaseandthanks Not the same at all. I don’t see anything BMW like in this whole situation. Read back more than a few days. Web hosting is supported by donations, for the benefit of the autism community. By the way, I think he asked for peace, not judgement.

pleaseandthanks

I understand the struggles. I just can’t comprehend how spending is prioritized. Water bills and transportation costs come AFTER web hosting and cellular with data bills?
He can afford monthly netflix, but can’t keep up with the car payment?
I read back a few days and saw that he used his last $7 putting gas in the van to get to a doctor’s appointment. So he was in danger of r unning out of fuel, but he was able to post about the experience live using a state of the art cell phone.
It’s almost like when you see people going to collect their welfare checks, and they pull up in a BMW. Seems counterintuitive…

Silachan

Multiple times he’s had to sell his phone to pay for bills. Usually if i recall correctly, theyve been donated by the companies themselves. He works full time- it’s called stay at home dad. You be the driver, the cook, the cleaner, the sole caretaker of your 3 medically needy children and still have time for a part time job- while trying to take care of a chronically ill spouse who is doing her best to try and help as well. He also has a back injury that limits what he’s able to do outside of the home.
I know it’s a lot, but read back through the blog and you’ll get a better understanding of what they’re dealing with. Also read Lizzie’s blog.

Celeste Johnson

So sorry to hear this. I think we’ve probably all been there. You do what you must in order to keep the family fed, medicated, etc. I’m praying that a blessing comes out of this for your family and there’s a resolution quickly.

Christa Janotha Smith

So very sorry to read of the struggle you and your wife are going through! You have my prayers that the Lord blesses your family with health and finances. Does Ohio have a waiver program? My son is on the Title 19 Waiver Program here in WV and it has been incredibly helpful to us!

Amy Linder

Sending love, and prayers. I wish I could do more.

Rosie Calabro

I know this doesn’t help but you have to keep saying to yourself that every day both yourself and Lizzie are doing the best you can everyday & with the limited financial support that you get is zero, so sad for you all xx

Jana Dougherty Vogrin

Awww. Prayers. Hang in there..

Lost and Tired

Thanks everyone. 🙂

Charlene L. Reaser

🙁 perfect timing. I’m so sorry

Mark N Kathleen Visscher

Praying for you and your family. And praying that some way, some how your family would sense that love and peace.

nicoleincos

pleaseandthanks Relatively new? Have you read any of the blog at all? He is a caregiver for THREE children with autism who also have other health issues. Where exactly do they go when he’s doing a job? Is he supposed to stay up all night with them AND work every possible waking hour of the day?

Lost and Tired

BelendaKayKemp hang in there.

Lost and Tired

shawneerenee31 thank you

Lost and Tired

pleaseandthanks you should read through the blog and you would find your answers.

pleaseandthanks

I’m relatively new to this blog, but I’m having a hard time understanding how you have the time to maintain a website and the expensive equipment (Samsung galaxy note), the web hosting service (and related costs), but you don’t have the money to pay for critical bills or the ability to get a part time job.
I sit here looking over your postings that obviously took a lot of time to craft and wonder wouldn’t all that time and energy be better spent as a part time greeter at Wal Mart or Home Depot? At least you’d still have your car.
How about pawn off your phone? Discontinue your data plan? Cut web hosting costs? Seems like your priorities are a bit skewed…

shawneerenee31

Your family is at the top of my prayers list right now.

BelendaKayKemp

I hear you sir! My family is a hairs breath away from finacial ruin at any given moment. I live in a constant state of fear and panic wondering how we are going to pull off our next magic trick to keep it together. Both my husband and I are working, and yet the bills continue to pile up. Scary times all around.

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