Confessions: I know I’m doing everything I can for my family, even if you don’t agree


Tonight my parents took Lizze and I out to dinner.  One of the topics of conversation was the situation with the van and how we’re going to deal with it. 

I’ve tried everything I can think of to address this problem.

I was explaining to my parents that we have one option in order to get our van back.  We have to pay off the remainder of the loan and that’s several thousand dollars + any fees associated with the repossession.

At this point in time, that’s obviously not something we can just write a check for.  We simply don’t have it. 

The only option that we have is to take out another loan in order to pay off the first one.  I’ll be honest, that’s not very likely to happen.
image

Something that I’m going to do is try for a third time to work something out with Chase.  Maybe if I talk to a different supervisor I can plead our case and make something happen. 

Anyway, I’m actually a bit freaked out after this conversation.  There are things that I was trying not to focus on as I tried to figure this out because it was already overwhelming enough. 

We should be able to work out getting the boys to and from school for the short week ahead. Christmas break starts Friday and so we don’t really need to go anywhere. 

The big concern is what happens if Gavin hits a crisis and needs to get to Akron Children’s Hospital? We don’t have the ability to put him in the car and take him ourselves.  We’d either have to call 911 or wait for someone to come get us. 

The situation sucks overall but it is what it is. 

I was explaining to my parents that right now I have several crises that I’m trying to manage, any one of which could easily absorb all of my time and energy. 

Between Lizze’s and Gavin’s health, the other two boys and now losing the van, my plate is full and my cup runith over.

It’s like everything is a priority and it’s impossible to prioritize without dropping the ball somewhere.  It would seem that my time and energy would best be served trying to resolve the issue with the van because without it, we can’t get around.  Sure we can borrow a car but it’s not reliable and it’s a burden on whoever we are borrowing it from. 

The other thing is that there is a pressing time frame in regards to the van. At the time of this posting, we have 9 days before it goes to auction.

Right now, the only other pressing issue is Gavin new IVIG Infusion process. 

We have to begin the home infusions within the next week or we have to wait another month.  We’re currently waiting to hear from his Immunologist.  She’s making all the arrangements for us and all we have to do is show up as soon as they call. 

There’s significant risk involved with driving Gavin anywhere, anymore, so we have to get this done. 

I realize this post sorta got derailed but this is what I’m trying to manage right now and truthfully, this is only a portion of it. 

There’s going to be a few people out there that will continue to judge and criticize me for being in this situation in the first place.   You know what, that’s okay. I can’t let them get to me. 

I know in my heart that I’m doing everything I possibly can for my family.  I won’t let anyone, who hasn’t walked a mile in my shoes, get to me. It’s easy to read a few posts and think you know better than those on the ground and in the trenches. That’s just not the case. If you aren’t facing my problems and living my life, you aren’t in a position to judge.

Welcome to my life……

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉



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rjones22

i still dont understand why people dont understand that you cant work outside the home. you said you have several jobs (I am sure you do for real) so it is not like you are not working. i read the post from bappittyboo and I wonder what is up with that. why does he posts? does he think whatever he says is going to make you run out and “get a job”. if you could you would and probably want to in order to have a break. Also, other families are not “making it” out there. You cant “jocky” appts. you have to be there when drs say and then they take all day or maybe not one day. employers cant/arnt able to deal with that as they have a business. Also, if reference to your wife, undoubtedly she is very sick. if you felt you could leave her or the children to work outside the home i think you would. being on the phone fighting for medicine, appointments, and services is a full time job as well.

rjones22

i wish i new a solution or had one for the van problem. as much as i wish you could geta loan to get the van back, i can stand that van cause it has been such a matter of stress for you guys and still will need fixing. we all are praying for your family. I am praying for straight up cash to come to you guys and you decide how to use it because you are in america and we have the freedom to do what we want (even though we get feedback that is not wanted or deserved)

Bappityboo

Lost and Tired BappitybooYou too, Robert.  I hope you can put all the stress and headaches that you are dealing with aside and enjoy your family.  
With all the trials and tribulations you face, never lose sight of the fact that you are truly blessed 🙂

Lost and Tired

Bappityboo Lost and Tired  I wish you a very Merry Christmas and I hope that you have a good week.

Bappityboo

Lost and Tired Bappityboo  You keep tossing around the “no one has walked a mile in my shoes” mantra, but the reality is you guys are not the worst off family in the country.  There are families out there with children and members far worse off (bedridden, terminal, etc), and they manage to keep it together.  We’re a country of 300 million…you aren’t that unique.

You stay home because it’s easier, and have convinced yourself and those around you that you simply cannot get a job.  You make excuses as to why you can’t work, and sometimes you don’t even keep them straight…sometimes you write that it’s because of your back injury, and other times it’s because of your wife, and still other times it’s because of your kids needs.  I think you need to realize that these are just excuses, and they will NEVER solve your problems.
Your kids are all in school.  That’s when normal people work.  There is no room for “down time”, or naps.  The kids get dropped off, you go to work, and you come home and start the homework and dinner routine.  By the time you get into bed, you’re exhausted.  Often you can’t get a full night’s sleep, sometimes you work weekends, and you usually walk around like a zombie.  The house is a mess, and the laundry is piled up.  You look forward to your day off, and squeeze appointments and meetings in where you can.  Welcome to life and what every other adult goes through to provide for their family.
You keep telling everyone that your wife cannot contribute.  If she’s totally bedridden she really needs to be institutionalized until they can properly diagnose her, because there’s obviously something much bigger going on.  I know many people with Fibro and Depression, and they all manage to have it under control, work, and still contribute to the family.  If you cannot rely on your wife to even watch the kids for a few hours a day while you’re working, or if she cannot handle one of them coming home from school sick on occasion, than there is a much bigger problem that you both need to address. I’ve read her blog (she’s an awesome writer), and I’m having a very hard time comprehending why she can’t pull it together for a few hours here and there so you can get out to work…unless it’s simply easier for everyone if you stay home.

And please stop telling everyone you have several jobs.  Unless your many “jobs” are adequately providing for your family, they are hobbies.  I truly hope your newest venture with the GPS trackers works out for you, but if I were in your shoes I would plan for the worst and hedge my bets with something else.  
The bottom line is, it’s up to you to provide for your wife and kids.  You’re obviously free to come to your blog and post all the woe-is-me stories that you want, and all the cheerleaders around here can blindly tell you that you’re doing great, but I think deep down you know this is a lie.  Please, please, please don’t let your reluctance to shake things up and get a real job push your family into homelessness.

Lost and Tired

Sylvatine wow.  I’m so sorry that you are going through that.  I know how that is and go through it at least once a month with Gavin.  I’m going to call them in the morning and try once again to plead my case.  

Thanks…

Lost and Tired

Sylvatine Lost and Tired  we actually applied last year and were denied.  After speaking with disability attorney, we were told that it would never happen.  That being said, her health has gone down hill since.  

Perhaps something to think about again.

Sylvatine

I know that helpless and hopeless feeling you’re experiencing.  Always caught between a rock and a hard place.  We were just informed by our regular pharmacist that they are having trouble getting Bethany’s ONFI ordered and don’t know when they’ll be able to get it.  We finally, after several tries found a pharmacy that has it but after driving 25 miles to get it they wouldn’t release it to us because the first pharmacy forgot to delete the script from their computer and it looked like we were trying to fill it twice.  The pharmacy closed and we have 2 days worth of medication!    Anyway…maybe the loan officer will have mercy on you if you plead that you need the car in case of medical emergency.  I sure hope so.

Sylvatine

Lost and Tired   Perhaps you’ve already checked on this but your wife might be eligible for SSI also!  When my husband wasn’t getting many hours, I was and my health issues are mild compared to Lizzie’s.

Lost and Tired

Bappityboo with all do respect, you are oversimplifying things.  If it were as simple as that, it would have been done a long time ago.  Also, I do have a job, several in fact.  The newest hasn’t really begun to benefit us yet.  

Financial struggle is a symptom of a much larger problem.  I have two members of my family with failing health and that require much more than most others. My other two kids are with Autism and other special needs.  Be a use of my wife’s health issues, I am in many ways, a single parent.  

When people open criticize my situation, I often wonder how much time they have spent in my shoes.  I often wonder how much experience they have raising 3 children with Autism and various other special needs.  I wonder how much experience they have with a medically fragile child that is dealing with ailments that are so rare, most doctors have never seen them and likely never will.  

I often wonder if these people who are critical of my situation have experience with a spouse of partner with failing health.  

My guess is that most may have experience with some but not all of these but not all at the same time.  

Sure it would be a big help to stabilize my income by getting a full time job.  The problem is that I can’t really fit it in anywhere right now.  I’m already doing everything and everything is very time consuming.

Lost and Tired

redthread16 not personal at all.  Gavin is on SSI but that’s all who qualify.  As for the MDCP, I’ve not heard of it before.  I’ll have to check into that.  Thank you so much 🙂

Bappityboo

I’m going to be the dissenting opinion here:  you say that in your heart you know you’re doing everything you can, but do you really believe that’s true? You don’t think that there’s more you can do?

Let’s put it this way – several times in the past, posters have encouraged you to seek actual employment outside of the house.  You’ve always responded that you can’t…to do so would be too hard on your family. Do you think things are easier for your family now?

If you had a paying job, you would still have your van, your water and other utilities would never have been turned off, and you would probably have a few extra $$$ to get christmas gifts for the family.  Even if things were more difficult on the flip side (your wife would have to dig deeper to help out with the kids, you’d have to jockey appointments more often, you’d need to rely more on your parents, etc.), I think you’d agree that overall you would have fewer serious concerns than you do now.  You seem to have a significant skill set.  I wouldn’t think you would have any problem finding a somewhat flexible, high paying job.

I don’t know how all the other posters on your site can so blindly give you accolades, when the problems(s) your family has been having are directly related to your lack of gainful employment and willingness to seek same.  I don’t know how you can expect things to get better when you make no effort to improve them yourself.  Unless you have a money tree in your back yard, or you have a bunch of lotto tickets that you need to cash in, I can’t see how things won’t continue to spiral downhill without a substantive change.
Please don’t take this as a post from one of the “fans” that chronically criticizes you.  I’ve been reading your site for a while, and from the outside-looking-in, the ONLY answer to these problems seems crystal clear.

redthread16

I know this is a very personal question, but are your boys on disability? I think Autism is a diagnosis that would qualify a child for disability (at least until age 18) In the state where I live there is a MDCP (medically dependent children’s program) that I’m certain Gavin would qualify for. Just hoping you are able to access everything for your precious family.

Gail-Anne Bobik

Rob, you do an incredible job. Sometimes the bad things that have been held of happen-even when we try our hardest. You are an amazingly caring father and husband who would wrap up the stars if asked. Please stop letting others flog you for their own ignorance. >

Patsy Nape

You are an amazing husband and father.I have followed your site since the beginning. There are a lot of men who would have threw in the towel a long time ago. God bless you . I will be praying.

Bek Weller

No one else’s judgement is ever truly valid. Other people do not understand all factors that go into a situation (family/finances/medial/siblings etc etc)
If they knew everything their opinions would be different. Therefore I do not take on other people judgement.

Lost and Tired

Thanks Angela Cavallo Hager, you do the same

Angela Cavallo Hager

Keep on keepin’ on.

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