“Splitting” – I didn’t see this coming and I was wrong

One of the things that’s really, really tough about raising a child like Gavin, is something called splitting. Splitting is essentially what it sounds like.  The child seeks to create tension, chaos and drive a wedge between two people or parties. 

This is something Lizze and I have been warned about for years but until last night, I had thought I was smart enough to not let this happen. 

I guess smart enough is the wrong choice of words.  I thought I was aware enough of splitting, to avoid allowing him to do this to us.  I was wrong and wrong in a big way.

Last night it all sorta came to a head while we were at Dr. Pattie’s.



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We were talking about what was going on with Gavin and what he’s doing to Lizze.  The conversation between Lizze and I got really heated and emotional.

She was convinced the Gavin was splitting us.  I argued that I was very aware of what he was trying to do and it wasn’t working. 

Ironically however, it took the better part of an hour of intense arguing for me to realize that she was absolutely right…

We were fighting because he successfully pitted us against each other. It took me succumbing to the splitting to realize what was happening. 

I didn’t understand what was actually happening because he I thought I was smarter then he was.  Clearly I underestimated his abilities. 

While this has been a source of strain between Lizze and I, at least we both recognize it for what it is and can once again say that we are on the same page.

That being said, Gavin overheard part of our conversation and could see that he succeeded in his goals of dividing us.  He became emboldened with this knowledge and after a few days of leaving Lizze alone, he started up again this morning. 

At least we are more aware of what’s going on now and Lizze and I are back on the same page. 

Nothing about this is easy…….

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉

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Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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JOSHLost and TiredRaynette JonesCisco Buitron (Ask Cisco) Recent comment authors

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Cisco Buitron (Ask Cisco)
Guest

As a child, I never consciously engaged in splitting, but then again, I never really -had- to; my mother and father were already at odds with each other due to his being a functional maniac with physically violent outbursts, so there was already a split there without my intervention. I put myself between them under the interests of protecting my mother, but I wonder what would have happened had my family been a peaceful one; would I have engaged in this behavior? Would I have caused a split where there was not already one? Is it even worth thinking about… Read more »

Lost and Tired
Guest

Thank you for sharing… 🙂

JOSH
Guest
JOSH

Perhaps it’s too personal, but could you provide a specific example of this “splitting”? I mean, I get that Gavin plays each of you against the other, but what exactly is the deception- I mean, as well as you know him and as aware of the splitting as you are, I would have to think it must be pretty devious to be able to manipulate the two of you. If it’s too personal, then forget it, but I would just like to get a better handle on what splitting is and how it manifests itself.

Lost and Tired
Guest

Not at all. Basically, he’s one person to Lizze and another to me. He messes with her but only does it when there are no witnesses. What happens is, when Lizze’s says something about it, he then denies that it happened. If I say something to him about what he did to Lizze, he tells me that it didn’t happen and it comes down to his word against hers. Right now it’s psychological warfare that he’s waging. Thankfully it’s not really anything physical at this point. He’s managed to split us and at least some of the school. His teachers… Read more »

JOSH
Guest
JOSH

Thanks for clarifying. Sounds like the best “defense” is good communication by all parties and making sure everyone is on the same page. Easier said than done- especially when dealing with school. Sometimes that’s hard enough within one’s own family 🙂

Raynette Jones
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Raynette Jones

keep in mind that couples fight (which is precisely why i am not married because i am not good at arguing and then i go for the jugular as i have been told, which i do because i want it to end) and since lizze is sick a lot there may be a lot of bottled up stuff and then you have so many responsibilities that maybe you were too close to the situiation to see and at least the arguement happended at dr patties so it could be a heated but fair arguement. i dont think it was bad… Read more »

Lost and Tired
Guest

Thanks. 🙂 I’m really grateful we have her as well.