Look, I haven't written one of these posts in awhile but I'm feeling inspired.  Unfortunately, guilt is my muse tonight and deservingly so. Elliott is so disagreeable anymore.  If we ask him to do anything, literally anything, he just melts down.  I don't believe that he's trying to be difficult.  You can see it in his eyes.  He's completely overwhelmed and doesn't know what else to do. We're working so hard to provide the boys with as much stability as humanly possible and then some.  However,  life becomes very difficult with this type of problem because we can't do anything without setting him off.  At least that's how it feels.  We try to give him as much control over his life as possible because so much of his life is…

I'm so stressed out and pissed off right now I'm shaking.  I'm literally shaking.  I'm going to share this with you all because I just need to purge and and release a bit of pressure before I explode.  Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not asking for help.  All I'm doing is venting.  I'll never make it of I can't purge. The Great Purge You may recall a few weeks ago, I had a problem with my bank (PNC).  I don't have the link to the post on me, but you can do a search for something about overdraft fees.  Right before our van was stolen last January, we had about $2,000 worth of work done on it.  2 weeks later, it was stolen.  I made payment arrangements with the shop…

Lizze made a very interesting observation this morning.  It's more like a way to describe something we have been seeing as of late.  I wanted to share this because I thought maybe someone can relate to this. For many years, Gavin's level of functioning has been a moving target.  Sometimes he's very high functioning and other times he just seems to lose skills that he has previously mastered.  To say this is frustrating is an understatement.  It's also heartbreaking to watch as your child struggles with even simple, 1 or 2 step tasks.  Lizze asked me earlier today if I've noticed how Emmett is like Gavin? I wasn't sure what she was talking about.  She explained that Emmett is like a bead on a string. This means that his level…

Lizze and I took the boys to the grocery store this morning.  It was really hard on Lizze but she made it.  The boys did pretty well, considering. After we were done,  I had to fill the tank up for our ventures to the Cleveland Clinic this week.  I filled the tank with Premium for around $30, thanks to Giant Eagles fuel perks.

Our dogs are as unique as our family.  They each have their little quirks. Bella happens to like covering herself in a blanket,  an electric one to be more specific.  However, any blanket will do in a pinch. 

With Gavin back at his grandparents, we have to begin the recovery process once again. Elliott in particular has a rough time with the transition. On one hand, he absolutely adores Gavin but on the other hand, he fears him as well. That's a sad predicament for him to be in, not to mention a confusing one. We spent a large portion of this past evening trying to help Elliott decompress and relax.  He and I spent some time just snuggled on the couch.  He's pretty clingy and needs to feel safe. I spent as much time with him as I could before Emmett required my attention.  Lizze and I tried to tag team the boys tonight. Lizze gave everything she had to these guys and honestly she wasn't even…

I've spent the last hour with Emmett, trying to console him, unsuccessfully I might add.  He's in a horrible place right now and has been screaming nonstop. Between Gavin having been home and what is very likely the beginnings of another fever flare, Emmett is beside himself. I know that I don't need to explain to most of you what it's like to endure the constant screaming.  What so difficult for me as a father is that there is no consoling him.  Aside from either figuring out what he wants or why he's upset, if that's even possible, there's very little that can be done.  I let him know that I'm there and I just try and remain present, incase he needs me.  Sometimes I can even snuggle him while…

Gavin will be moving back in with his grandparents tonight.  Christmas break is over now and school resumes on Monday.  Gavin has been very well behaved for the most part but he was only here for a short time.  He can do pretty well over a shorter period of time but struggles after a while.  I'm grateful that things weren't any worse than they were.  At our wraparound meeting yesterday, it was brought up that Elliott is paying a very high price for everything going on with Gavin. Gavin's behavioral problems have resulted in both Elliott, Emmett and Lizze being traumatized over the years.  The simple fact that he's in the house is enough to trigger Lizze's PTSD and send Elliott and Emmett into overload.  Even though Gavin was well…