Lizze has really been going through a rough time and with the kids in constant need of my attention, she often times takes a back burner. It’s one of those situations where there’s no clear cut right or wrong answer. We have always said the kids come first no matter what but sometimes I wonder if that’s always the right approach. I see it two ways, the kids need me ALL the time so that’s extremely important. However, the boys need their mother and that’s extremely important as well. I want to be there more for Lizze, it’s just really difficult with all the other daily demands and unique needs of the boys. At the same time, doesn’t it make sense that taking time away from them and giving it to Lizze is also in their best interest, especially long term. Everything in me wants to be there for her, she my best friend and it kills me to see her suffer. The really hard part is that I can only really “indirectly” help her. Meaning, I can’t fix anything directly but I can try to make the day less stressful as stress is her worst enemy and exacerbates many of her health issues.
Sometimes the only way to reduce the stress is to occupy the kids but then that takes me away from her again. I can also work to bring in more money as I KNOW that is a huge source of stress for her but I can’t do that while taking care of the kids. Are you sensing a pattern here? Caring for Lizze could be a full time job as well and like I said there is only so much that I can do. You know it kinda like the chicken and the egg. Do I help Lizze by physically spending more time with her or by distracting or working the kids all day and trying to reduce her stress? Do I help the kids by spending all my time with them or by helping Lizze to get back on her feet? Kind of a paradox?
I’ve seen ssri’s like lexapro transform lives in a matter of weeks. There have also been positive links between antidepressant use (especially the newer snri’s) and relief from fibromyalgia. The tough part is finding the right antidepressant for the individual, since everyone has different brain chemistry.
i have to have the kids helping with the house to keep the "systems" going"…my youngest can fold towels and washclothes (and we have a million) and put them away. my middle with sensory issues will put the dishes away, but can't stand to touch the wet/dirty dishes, will put away folded clothes for us all and loves to tidy the flat surfaces (she just moves paperwork to the pile spot, and makes dvd or videos go back) then wipes off the counters (huge help for me)~
my job is moving laundry thru, chopping veggies and cooking (or just getting the house smelling like good food) and feeding kids (wih two on tubes that is on the hour every hour to get them to grow) and getting billing done to make the money come in every month.
the kids know there is such a thing as "leave me alone time" and they are expected be in charge of themselves with no testing the rules…they still can't really do it, but at least they try and I get to have time for my brain…
everything else had to get pruned off my busy list or I would get "learned helplessness"…the lawns get mowed late, the weeds grow wild, the floors are hairy and I am left only to comment instead of doing a blog or school….but the beds are dry and the kids are feed and my happiness ratio some how holds….oh, and I do get 116hrs of respite and make them walk the dogs!
lots of people doing a crappy jobs does help and they love when you teach them to help ~hand over hand for years, but you know…that is one on one time and teachable moments (and I think those memories stick)~
Out of curiosity, did they ever try putting your wife on anti depressants? I’m not a psychiatrist, but she seems like she may benefit from a low dose ssri or snri. Just my $0.02.
She is in antidepressants. But when your in constant they don\’t work as well. 🙁
I wish I had words of advice. I don't. 🙁 But know that I am thinking of you both