The best of intentions
Every day I set out to do better… Every day I have a list of things that need to be done. Things like, laundry,dishes and random other household chores that always seem to get pushed off to another day.
Truth be told, I’m bothered by my inability to get these things done.
Every day that I wake up and see these things still needing to be done adds a few more pounds to the ever increasing load I find myself carrying from day to day.
I’m also aware that there is a tendency to erroneously associate ones parenting ability with the condition of the house. I find myself on many occasions, feeling guilty that I can’t seem to ever get anything done. I feel like my kids deserve a clean house and I erroneously associate their happiness with the things that really don’t seem to matter them..
I have been really stressed out lately over things like the house, problems in our neighborhood and even the repairs to our van, that is once again in the shop.
The problem is that I always seem to get pulled away from the task at hand by one or more of my 3 boys on the Autism Spectrum. In truth, this is frustrating at times because I’m not built to live in chaos but instead, I prefer more of an organized lifestyle. I’m not referring to an OCD type thing, just a better managed and more comfortable environment, where things get put away when they are not being used.
Having said that, something has happened today that caused me to remember what I so often seem to forget and I thought it might be beneficial to you, so I thought I would share.
I woke up this morning and was in a rush to get the boys dressed and off to school. I’m exhausted from everything and so I was more intensely bothered by the condition of my surroundings.
After the boys were off to school and we were settled in for a bit, I focused on trying to relax.
I was experiencing more frustration because we double booked ourselves today and that drives me crazy. So I had to drop Lizze off and then take Emmett to therapy.
This is when it happened. As I’m driving, battling the insanity that is the holiday traffic I heard something that caused a very sharp and rapid change in my perspective.
It started out faint, like a whisper and then build up. It was Emmett and he was singing the alphabet.
Sure, I heard him sing it before but for some reason, it was different this afternoon. As I listened to him singing, he switched between counting and the alphabet. I caught myself singing along with him.
Then it hit, Emmett was singing…. More than that, he was talking. I was actually singing the alphabet and counting with my 3 year old little boy that could speak this time last year.
At that point it hit me.
With all the things I have mistakenly placed value on that don’t get done around the house, something truly miraculous and much more important did. My son is talking, heck, my son is singing.
While it’s true, the house is usually a mess and there are almost always dishes and laundry patiently waiting to get done, those aren’t the things that matter.
It took something as simple as Emmett singing the alphabet to help.me realize just how much we have actually accomplished and how far we have traveled, with our little ones, on this journey through life with Autism.
I’ll probably still find myself frustrated when constantly getting pulled away from the things I need to accomplish. However, what I’m getting pulled away to do is often more important than what I was already doing.
In the end, when I’m looking back on my life, I will regret more, the things I didn’t do, more than the ones I did.
Simply put, if I don’t allow myself be pulled away at times, from the everyday things in life by my children seeking attention, there will come a point in life that I’ll regret it. A point where I would do anything, say anything, for a chance to be pulled away again..
Food for thought…….
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How true this post is for us too! I have two boys with special needs and one with autism. Right now I am looking at a dirty kitchen floor, dirty dishes and a couch full of clean laundry that needs to be folded. But my oldest has so much more functioning and greater speech and social abilities since we started working more with him. He even has a best friend with Aspergers now. I would so like to outsource cleaning and organizing if I could afford it.
@rmagliozzi Thanks 🙂
YOU REALLY HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. I WISH I HAD TAKEN MORE TIME OUT FOR MY KIDS AND WORRIED LESS ABOUT HOUSEWORK. YOUR RIGHT YOU DO REGRET IT.MY KIDS ARE GROWN NOW.
We're up in Medina and our church is over in Smithville. We're always looking for outreach projects. If you truly need help witth household chores it would be easy enough to organize a group to come help clean. I'm sure (obviously if you only felt comfortable) to come while you were at therapy (kinda like little cleaning elves) as to not disrupt your day. My son is special needs and I have taken advantage of their hospitality at times. There are days when I just cannot get the lawn mowed, all the laundry washed, folded and put away, dishes washed, floors mopped, windows washed, etc.
This is not an offer of help in pity, it's an offer of help in understanding. This week we're at OT, ST, PT, Cleveland Clinic reumatology for the these periodic fevers, and plenty more places. I understand the overwhelming feeling of looking around and seeing a mess, but choosing to just play with your child because the only interaction you've really had for days is driving to and from therapy and doctors appointments.
Thanks everyone for the support. I was simply trying share my realization of what really matters most.
Your offers are so kind and I truly appreciate it. I\’m doing fine and I\’ll get everything caught up. Thank you though. 🙂
I swear to you if I was close enough, I'd come and spend a day cleaning. I am a cleaning pro. I wish I was close enough. I know how much the help would mean to you. 🙂
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Same here! I'm notorious for finding ways to organize stuff as well as MacGyver things. Unfortunately, I'm out on Long Island.
Your post gave me goosebumps. I wish I lived closer, I’d come help you out. 🙂