#Autism, behavior and tough love

Today has not been a good day for Gavin.  We started off this morning with 2 giant meltdowns because of inappropriate touching. The Lost and Tired family has a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate touching. After discussing this topic with his therapist,  she confirmed that we have to have zero tolerance policy.

It doesn’t matter what he’s struggling with at the moment because we have to ensure the safety of everyone in the house.

At the same time,  we are desperately trying to help Gavin avoid trouble down the road.  As he gets older and this behavior continues,  he will find himself in very serious trouble.

Gavin also had his first day of home instruction this morning. Lizze took him and I stayed back with the boys. Lizze wanted to stay there and wait because we suspected Gavin may not behave and we were right.

It didn’t go so well.

While his tutor may not have been upset, Lizze knew exactly what he was doing. He was manipulating and testing his limits. 

He was telling her what he was going to do instead of asking.

Lizze said he was also demanding and tried to get out of work. Lizze busted him a few times and let the others go….for now. We plan on speaking with his tutor,  who incidentally is very nice,  and explain how Gavin is.

I’m pretty upset with him right now. He has lost all TV privileges for the rest of the day. He will also be spending a lot of time reading and working on his homework.

What’s happening now is the very same thing he did when he was moved to a new classroom a few years back.

Basically,  he played his teachers and manipulated them.  It takes awhile to catch on to Gavin’s game because you just wouldn’t think a child would do things like this. However,  I assure you Gavin is a master of manipulation. 

This is a well documented fact and as much as I hate to admit it,  very true.

We have been struggling with Gavin for many,  many years.  He can be a perfect angel when he’s not being challenged or is doing something that he wants to do. If you catch him doing something he shouldn’t be doing,  and God forbid,  hold him accountable,  all hell breaks loose.

We were doing better for a little while but things are rapidly going down hill.

It used to be that if Gavin did things while at an appointment like PT or OT,  he would lose privileges until he had another appointment with the same person.  He would then have to behave for said appointment in order to get the privilege reinstated.  The time span between appointments was never more than a few days to a week. It was a tough love kinda thing.

It seems as though are once again heading down this long and windy road. Not to be a negative Nancybut this doesn’t give me high hopes for what this summer holds in store for us.

**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

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candaceiw

Master of manipulation? or testing his limits in a world that is never predictable? with sensory issues, thought processes and just life in general offering something new every day…the best advice for someone working with our kids is to hold your ground so the child knows what to expect. If the thought process is there, explain the "rules" ahead of time and what the expectations are for the next allotted amount of time. The more predictable their world with people they trust, the more options open for him to maintain acceptable behaviors in those situations outside his control or for him to make inferences (again, if the thought process allows inferences to be made).

from a mom who went from a screaming out of control child to a pretty compliant kid. Not always up for new or unknown situations, but with structure and forewarning, we do pretty good.

Lost_and_Tired

I totally agree with you however, this doesn\’t apply to Gavin. He really is a master of manipulation.

Now with my other boys, we do as you suggested.

The reason Gavin is different is likely due to the other mental health problems.

Thank you for your thoughts and advice. 🙂

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