Please be aware that is post is of a very sensitive nature.
Last night, Gavin exposed himself to Lizze and I in the middle of the living room.
Gavin came downstairs and wanted to tell us that some of the bandages from his surgery were coming off. I told him that he could remove the bandages, carefully.
There are three locations that were bandaged, all on his right leg.
His ankle, knee area and thigh, all had biopsies done.
Gavin was wearing a pair of loose fitting shorts last night. He stood in the middle of the living room and removed the bandages from his ankle and knee area.
When it came time to remove the one on his thigh, he first pulled the right leg of his shorts up to gain access. Then, for some reason, he decided it would be best pull them down instead. Not only did he pull everything down, he exposed everything to Lizze and I at the same time.
To say it was an uncomfortable moment would be understating things.
There was absolutely no reason for him to do this. It didn’t make removing the bandages any easier. In fact, to the contrary, it made it more difficult.
Lizze and I both responded a the same time. We told him to pull his shorts up and go into the bathroom if he needs to do that.
I don’t know what to make of this. I would like to think that it was an innocent mistake by a little boy with Asperger’s. However, I’m having a difficult time resolving that in my head. Gavin has a very long history or being sexually aggressive, suggestive and otherwise inappropriate.
What makes this incident any different? I had hoped that we had moved past this but I fear that we haven’t.
It also makes me wonder what he does when we aren’t looking?
How at risk are his brothers?
What if this was truly an innocent mistake and I’m overreacting?
We didn’t make a huge deal out of this last night because honestly, I didn’t known what to do. We see Dr. Patti on Tuesday.
Because of all the very serious mental health issues, it’s very likely that Gavin did this on purpose or to get a reaction. He was also right in front of the windows as well. So anyone outside could have seen.
I’m truly at a loss.
Regardless of his intentions, if this has happened at school or in a public place…..
I don’t know enough about reactive attachment disorder to know if that plays a role.
Does anyone have experience in this? I could use some advice.
This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsungs Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct hate me.
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i have a streaker as well, but totally not sexual. it is like he forgets the rules about nakedness and can take off wet undies and run from the bathroom to the bedroom to get more clean ones. he also tends to drop pants right to the floor while having a pee which exposes him entirely, leaving the door open. he even has a tendency to be “silly” during dressing, if i am assisting he can pretend to fart shoving a naked behind in my direction. although he is a germ-phobic, and doesnt like to TOUCH his privates so far, we are desperate to try to get him peeing standing up for school. so while the touching is being encouraged we hope this doesnt lead to inappropriate behaviours BUT…. that being said, all children touch themselves and learn about ther bodies, as long as they are preached to NEVER play “tickle games” with others and that “privates are for privacy time” we try to stay calm. i have twins who are 6. the ASD boy doesnt even THINK that way yet, BUT…. the “typical” girl is fascinated wither her body and how it feels. so i chalk it up to growing up and learning. try to keep an open mind about it. and preach about the privacy issue and keep your littler ones safe!
My 6 yr old aspie will frequently drop trou, To him, it is no big deal to be sitting on the couch naked from the waist down. He still has quite a few toileting accidents and when he does, he will take off his undies and leave them in the bathroom and then go out to the living room like it's no big deal. I explain to him that it is not appropriate for him to let his "pee pee" hang out and that he can't just do that. He will go and put on underwear then but I really believe it is more of an absent minded thing. It's hard to tell with Gavin. I am not in your situation but I think that you and Lizzie are hypersensitive to all that he does and sometimes it might not be related to the RAD. He might just be absentminded about that. I would think that if when he took off his pants and started smiling looking for some kind of reaction, then it was probably intentional. If he was just excited to show off his bandages removal, then it probably wasn't. I don't know. But I will shut up now! LOL
Well, that behavior doesn't usually go away, and returns in times of stress, regression, or opportunity. While it probably wasn't totally sexual for you and Lizzie, and was hyperfocused on the band-aid removal, but without much inhibition, he will eventually do this where you don't want him to. He may cause himself trouble that he does not understand. Impulsivity and immaturity and aspergers and hypersexuality mean that it is just a matter of time before he acts inappropriately. Until you get him placed, I would go back to making sure he is within sight of one of you 100% of his time. Lived it, know how hard it is, but the little dudes do not need to have any more uncomfortable experiences because Gavin is short on selfcontrol.
I know you are on high-alert right now, because of Gavin's health and overall situation. Anyone would be. But I would not add this to the list of things to stress about. I think Gavin probably picks up more subtle messages than you realize, as Aspies are often very intuitive. Some of his behavior may be plain old anxiety. He's feeding off of you to some degree, and spilling it right back on the entire family.
It sounds to me like he was totally focused on removing the bandages, and wasn't thinking about acting appropriately or inappropriately. His loose-fitting shorts were maybe hard to keep up while removing the bandage? I don't know. Only you and Lizzie can judge if he was being sexually aggressive with this display, or not. But it doesn't sound like it.
It has occurred to me from time to time that I'm so used to living in an "abnormal" situation, that I've forgotten what it's like to be "normal." What is normal includes cutting our kids some slack sometimes. And ourselves.
BTW, does Gavin allow you to cuddle him, or show him affection? Do you have any physical therapies that are effective in easing his anxiety level, like massaging his neck and shoulders, etc.?
I too am curious how much affection he allows you guys to show him. Does he respond to pressure point massages, joint compressions or brushings? Or has he never shown sensory issues to touch?
Rob–my first thought is that you're over-reacting to this incident. A 12 yo often will often experiment with his sexuality and mom is the first woman to be experimented on. But knowing how the maturity levels run with ASD kids, it may have been less intentional than it seemed at first.. Just keep your cool and don't get flustered by this–then he will know that it upsets you and will do it more to get the response repeated. That in turn feeds his desire to have power over his parents–so be a "chill pill" as my kidlets say. Hugs from Virginia!
@Batty that's the approach we have taken. The problem is that we just don't know. If it was innocent we try to ignore or redirect. However, if it wasn't than it requires a more aggressive approach.
But which was it? That's what's frustrating. So for right now, we are holding off addressing this utility after speaking with his psychologist. 🙂
First of all, RELAX!!! As a parent of 2 ASD sons & a special education teacher, primarily working with autistic kids, I have seen this behavior many, many, many times.
Don't let them see that they upset you. They love that!! And will continue to display unappropriate behavior. Calmly tell them to pull their pants up or take their hands out of their pants, or put their hands on the table where you can see them. This is all normal behavior for any boy this age.
He probably is playing with himself when he's alone in his room. But, I still wouldn't want him alone with his brothers with his history.
So, my advise is to keep an eye on him & stay calm until you see the doctor on Tuesday for further advise.
@Marlene719 thank you. 🙂
I have one Aspie too, who is 8. I am constantly reminding him not to remove his clothing to take his bath until he is alone in the bathroom, and to go straight into his room with the towel around him to dress after bathing. He can be quite the exhibitionist, but we are working at getting it under control. We still have issues, but never purposely exposing himself. I would say at this point because Gavin is an Aspie and they are often kind of impulsive at younger ages, give him the benefit of the doubt and remind him to keep himself covered up at all times. If it keeps happening, then you will know this is a bigger issue you will want to worry about and address. I worry about some of these issues to at times, because my son still at times displays inappropriate behavior that his little brother has now picked up on. Neither one have RAD, and I think that complicates things even more. I think in the world of dealing Aspies, it is normal for you to have these heightened concerns, especially with the RAD you have to contend with.