I was wondering if you have ever missed your life before #Autism? This isn’t about feeling quilt for anything. It’s about being honest with yourself and embracing those feelings, if you have them.
Personally, there are plenty of times where I miss my old life.
Every time I see an ambulance or fire truck driver by, I miss my old life. Sometimes I hear a song that takes me back to college, when life was much simpler.
Just because I miss these things doesn’t mean that I would want to leave my
current life and go back. It just means that sometimes things become so very stressful and overwhelming. At times like these, I realize how much simpler life was back then and I miss it.
I love my family and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.
Do you ever find yourself missing your life before #Autism? This is obviously geared more for the parents.
Oh, good heavens yes. I love my daughter, and I would trudge to hell and back for her and with her, but I miss living in a world where valuables don't get smashed, there's no pee and poop everywhere, and our family's schedule and finances weren't dictated by therapy. I miss being able to sleep, and I miss having friends, and I miss being able to hire a babysitter without them having to have a degree in behavioural science. I miss being able to sit in silence and not wonder what she's into, I miss cooking ONE meal, and I miss being able to take my family places without worrying about overstimulation and meltdowns. I miss doing things as a family, like eating meals or opening Christmas gifts. (She can't tolerate the noise and smells) I miss not being covered in bruises, and being able to sing out loud in my house. I think most of all, I miss developmental milestones. Darling princess doesn't hit them at predictable times, if at all. I miss the person I was before I became a frazzled, defensive mom spending all my time fighting for funding, and researching treatments. I miss tobogganing with my boys, and most of all, I miss the parent I wanted to be; the kind of mom who has time and energy and volunteers in the classroom, and pays attention to her boys on the football field. I have a very hard time figuring out how to balance Missy's tremendous needs with what my neurotypical boys need. It's hard to make sure you don't sacrifice everything important on the autism altar.
Wow. I think my wife could have written the same words. Trust me when I say, you\’re not alone. Very honest and very well said. Thank you.
No but there are times when I don't/can't cope and I do think why me. It just seems like that. Also feels like we are battling for everything but i think that makes us stronger doesn't it ?
Well said 🙂
In a word………….YES!
Thank you for your honesty 🙂
Yes, i definetly miss my life, however I miss myself most. Auism has drained me and squeezed my life out of me. I'm at a point where I do I not know who I am anymore. Having said this, autism also has given me power and knowledge which i never thought i would have. Ironic isn't it?
Sorry I am so behind time with replies–we have been having crisis after crisis. Yes–I miss my life when everything was still possible. When all doors were still open. BUT I would never wish away my children nor their unique personalities. I do wish we all had better physical and mental health! Auto-immune disorders are manifesting in 3 of my children now. I miss having friends when I had time to be a friend to real live persons (not that internet friends are any less important, but they can't give hugs when needed). Now my only friends are the few who understand the challenges I face and forgive me my frequent memory lapses and failings. I miss the "me" who was pretty much stress free.
@lostandtired Do you have respite care at all?
I was diagnosed with a chronic illness long before Autism poked its head into our lives, so we have always been limited in our activities as a family. I wonder what my girls' lives would be like if they didn't have brothers on the spectrum. Would they be as compassionate? Would I be? I miss my life from before I got sick, but have no reason to miss Autism. But then, there is Marc. I wish that he didn't have all of the blessings that he does have, but on the other hand, those blessings make him the person he is, and the person that we fell in love with when we adopted him. Does that make sense?
My oldest child has pretty much had autism since he was an infant, so I don't remember anything of parenting without autism. We have not had any neurotypical days, to be honest. I remember being single, being briefly married and pregnant right away, and that was fun but stressful. I worked several part time jobs while going to college and dating my now husband, then I got married and started a boiler room type sales job and got pregnant right away. Our days now that we have discovered both kids have PANDAS are somewhat easier. I miss living in CA and being able to go to the beach more than anything, . and so does my oldest. (we left when he was two but often visit.). I also miss my parents and siblings who still live out there.
@rmagliozzi I hear you. I remember life before the switch flipped in Gavin. I also remember my life before, while I was single and in college or on the Fire Department. I thought life was son stressful back then. 😉
For sure! I thought things were tough back then at times but I sure didnt know what was in store for me.lol…I have learned so much and my son is definately ' my teacher" and spiritual guide but sometimes I wish things were easier for him ,me and my younger child.I have found besides all the hard work we do biomed,therapy etc that prayer and having a relationship with God helps so much.I've seen miracles : )
@nikki barbieri very nice to meet you and thank you for sharing.
I just can't allow myself to go there anymore. I have a lot of regrets, and sometimes I'm even ashamed that I didn't take better advantage of opportunities I had to build a better life. But none of us have a crystal ball to warn us about the future, or to guide us along the way.
@hudginsvicky That's interesting. Thanks for sharing …..
I miss being able to hang out with friends. For that matter, I miss having friends.
@lostandtired Rob, have you or Lizzie thought about finding a local support group for families of autistic kids?sometimes that's a great way to find friends who will get your situation, or in the next few years, get Elliot involved in a local special olympics team. You'll find plenty of parents there you will have things in common with. Joining support groups saved my life. I was so lonely and frustrated before.