Almost called the police of my son

      32 Comments on Almost called the police of my son


Gavin had a huge tantrum tonight because he didn’t listen and ripped something out of Emmett’s hands. 

It got pretty ugly and the boys were hiding in Elliott’s room while I managed Gavin in the living room.

While he wasn’t aggressive towards anyone but himself he was extremely loud and disruptive. It got so bad that we took his stuffed animal, after repeatedly warning him. That really set him off.

It was at this point that I threatened to call the police. This was not an empty threat either.



This would be an absolute last resort because Elliott and Emmett would be completely freaked out by that, possibly more than they were by the tantrum itself.

Gavin kept screaming not my teddy, not my teddy. I was like, how about not the police, not the police?

His response was yeah, I don’t want that either.



Either he doesn’t think we will actually call or he doesn’t care. I’m not sure which. Either way, I got him upstairs to his room and he started to lose it again. I reminded him that if this continues, I will call the police, and it will not be pleasant for him.

It wasn’t an empty threat, as I was prepared to follow through. I didn’t want to do that though because I don’t know how it would impacted the younger kids, to see the police come and take Gavin away.

Lizze and I both were very concerned about that.

In the end, we got him to his room and contained him. The boys were okay and distracted by the TV.

Did we handle this right? I don’t have the answer to that. However, sometimes we can only do what we can do. The idea of have the police involved and the drama that would have caused, seemed worse than what we were dealing with.

As I said, I was prepared to follow through but grateful it wasn’t necessary.  

This was posted via WordPress for Android, courtesy of Samsung’s Galaxy S III. Please forgive any typos. I do know how to spell but auto-correct hate me.

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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j12mc
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j12mc

I don't think you were wrong at all in how you handled the situation. As long as he understands fully what police are, what they will do, & how that will affect those around him. If he doesn't understand those things then it is a moot point in threatening. I have had to (while pregnant) physically restrain my 10 year old daughter to the point of putting her arms & legs pretzeled up behind her. 🙁 All experts involved with her had finally told me that if I have to ever restrain her like that again I might as well… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@j12mc thank you. I agree with you. I hate the fact that we have to resort to this but life just isn't fair.

Kathleen
Guest
Kathleen

I think you were right, not to involve the Police.  I know it's sometimes difficult to find the line between inappropriate behavior and loss of self-control. A visit from the Police as a disciplinary measure would have been traumatic for everyone. I know seeing an ambulance pull up might not be a comforting sight either, but an EMT would have mild sedatives on hand, especially if there is a chance he would accidentally hurt himself? My son's classroom has a unique "quiet corner", with partitions, students go there for a break from stimuli, just a quiet area with a beanbag… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Kathleen thank you very much for your support.

Chloe123
Guest
Chloe123

Great idea, but if one of your younger children is scared of ambulances this might be an issue as well, or specifically ask that the ambulance not have its lights on when pulling up to your house. I for some reason am afraid when I see an ambulance sitting somewhere that I am going with its lights on, even just its park lights. 

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Chloe123 I was a paramedic for a really long time. Honestly, there would be no benefit to calking EMS because they wouldn't be able to do anything. They will not sedate a child for any reason, at least in my area.

My kids wouldn't be frightened by the ambulance though as they are familiar with them from my past career.

proffy_mommy
Guest
proffy_mommy

I've certainly been there, though with a different set of problems from our son. I've thought more seriously about just calling the county to come take him to an in-patient care center.  But instead of him not caring or thinking that you won't follow through, I suspect it's more that he doesn't understand, in concrete terms, what the police really are and what would happen. That's not "real" in his mind, not because he doesn't think you'll do that but because he doesn't have an experiential reference for what it means.   I suspect that police intervention is not the… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@proffy_mommy thank you very much.

Chloe123
Guest
Chloe123

Not at all saying this, but from my perspective, could the teddy of been a comfort item that Gavin was trying to use to calm down (self calm)? Therefore by taking it, he thought about that more than the police? Again, I have no idea. I am sure you handled the situation right. Don't ever forget, you and Lizzie are awesome parents!

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Chloe123 We just love you. You make a very good point. However, the teddy wasn't anywhere near him at the time. I do think you're right that he thought more about the teddy then the police.

Thank you for the insight. 🙂

Chloe123
Guest
Chloe123

Maybe next time I see an ambulance and not freak and be scared, and instead say "mom, it's like Rob used to do, they are helping people! 😀

Chloe123
Guest
Chloe123

Thanks Rob, glad and happy to offer insight.

Bill Numan
Guest
Bill Numan

As a police officer who has been on the receiving end of these type of 911 calls, I can tell you first hand that we are very limited in what we're going to do with a 13 year old. It sound great… Call the police and they'll take care of your problems. The truth is: a 13 year old child is your responsibility, not ours. He's a child…not an out of control adult (which would be a suitable use of our resources). Its your job as a parent to control him. You don't like to spank or use physical force… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Bill Numan that was kinda harsh. It's not about satisfaction its about helping to keep my family safe. I have several friends on the force and they would be more than happy to stop by and help to send a message. Perhaps you have no experience dealing with a violent and mentally disturbed teenager. As a paramedic, I never took kids in for involuntary commitment. Not typically something a medic would do. I appreciate you sharing your opinion and I would never advocate abusing the police. However, my situation and the situation of many other special needs parents is far… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Bill Numan what would you suggest outside of physical violence, to parents with violent special needs kids? I understand where your coming from but you need to understand thatwe are instructed to call rhw police when the safety and well being of people in the house is threatened by a violent child.

Instead of telling is what not to do, can you point is in the right direction?

Carlyoung
Guest

 @lostandtired  @Bill I would be interested in knowing this as well.  Sometimes my son gets so violent and out of control that we have the kids lock themselves in their upstairs area for safety.  I can put Marc in the hospital but the longest that they keep him is 72 hours.  We are working on a placement in a residential facility, but even that takes time. 

Bill Numan
Guest
Bill Numan

As with everything else you are going through, there are no easy answers. I can tell you that using the "big bad police" as a threat is going to have a limited shelf life. The first time the cops come and fail to "scare" Gavin is going to make your situation much worse. He'll then have a feeling on invincibility toward the police, which is gonna be far worse than what you're dealing with. keep the police threat in your pocket for the horrendously bad stuff (like the sexually aggressive stuff). The bottom line is that unless he's being physically… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Bill Numan I think special needs kids are a bit different. Spanking Gavin would have absolutely no effect on him. Something else to remember is that when using physical force, leaves very little room for progression. The only place to go from there is increased physical force and that's a very slippery slope. I appreciate your feedback and suggestions. I meant no disrespect by my questioning of your comment. You just have to remember that most parents in the special needs community would sooner endure physical abuse from their child than call then police. We have to be careful when… Read more »

Carlyoung
Guest

 @Bill Numan I could spank my son with your hand, and it would have no affect.  My son is at times physically abusive and verbally abusive to others in the home.  We don't tolerate it.  but there is only so much that we can do at the same time.  We are working on a residential placement, but that kind of thing takes time.

PurpleLogicGlitch
Guest
PurpleLogicGlitch

I have had to call the police because of my son. They came and asked me what had happened and then Spoke with him about how his meltdowns affect others then let him know that while he lives under my roof and being supported by me that he must respect my rules. They did not take him anywhere, but having a uniformed officer speak to him firmly helped a lot. I also tried to speak with local patrol to explain that my son has Aspergers, since they were supposedly trained on how to handle a person with any form of… Read more »

rmagliozzi
Guest
rmagliozzi

I also called the police on my son when he attacked me, after his medication wore off. I asked them nicely to talk with him, and the cop did, and actually gave me some good advice. I now would resort to calling a crisis line or taking him to an in-patient facility, which I think is a better option, now that I know better. You just never know what type of cop will be coming your way if you do call the police. I have encountered some pretty bad ones in my time, as well.

tracielynne65
Guest
tracielynne65

@whynotfathers @reality_autism I have had to call police many times to get my son under control after a tantrum!! Exhausts me

dotdash
Member
dotdash

Bill Numan's comment was blunt, for sure, but  I agree with a lot of the posters here:  to call the police for non-violent behavior escalates the confrontation and in the end, will work against you.   (I know what I'm talking about; I was raised with a mentally ill sib)   Are you in contact with a support group for parents of the mentally ill?  I know you have the large autism community and their valuable contributions, but from your posts, Gavin has some very serious mental illness(es), and you may get good guidance from others in your same situation.  … Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@dotdash nice to see you again. I totally agree with what he said,at least for the most part. I would never suggest calling the police in a situation that it would be of benefit. In Gavin's case, while he wasn't attacking anyone, he was incredibly violent to himself and the things around him. I don't know of Gavin would benefit from a cop talking to him. However, the very next time he goes after someone, I won't hesitate to call the police and have him taken to Aultman Hospital. The message should be not to abuse the police but not… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

Typo. I would never suggest calling the police if it would not be of any benefit.

j12mc
Guest
j12mc

I reaffirm my belief that you did the best with what resources you had on hand & in mind at this entire situation. I agree with a lot of what Bill Numan did say, but I DO NOT agree with the manner in which he decided to tactlessly give it. While police may not be the BEST call to make, a lot of parents of children with SN's like ours don't have every single resource available to them.   Rob, If you haven't already done this, I would like to suggest calling around & finding out what go-to service you… Read more »

Bill Numan
Guest
Bill Numan

Sorry you didn't like my delivery, but not everything needs to be candy coated. The bottom line is the same: The police exist for emergencies…not parenting assistance. If you have a teenager (i.e. large, strong child) that is totally out of control and you as the parent cannot physically control them, then by all means call 911. I'm sure the local cops will respond and do what they have to do (i.e. involuntary committal), although in my experience parents regret this as they're watching their child being wrestled into handcuffs. If your child is out of control and yourself are… Read more »

Rob Gorski
Admin

@Bill Numan thank you for the the more detailed explanation 🙂

Batty
Guest
Batty

 @lostandtired @Bill Numan {I come to this dance with work experience on both sides of the EMS system–police and paramedic.}   Bill, you are correct about calling the proper emergency services for specific situations; however, when a person (with mental health problems and a known history of assaulting others or causing harm to himself) is out of control, the proper call is to 911 for police assistance.  EMTs and paramedics are not equipped in many locales to handle violent/dangerous individuals and when they encounter them, the SOP is to call for police backup.  I have had to call for police assistance with my younger… Read more »

nicolepederson
Guest
nicolepederson

I have been having the same problem. My child is 5 i wasnt goignt o call the police but i did call the crisis center in my area. Its been goign on for three weeks and I can not gain control whats so ever. He does nothing he needs to do with out total chaose including screaming hitting kicking spitting and scarring his baby brother. I dont know where else to go for help or for anyone to losten and understand what i'm goign through

Batty
Guest
Batty

 @nicolepederson Nicole–You sound like you are at the end of your wits in dealing with your son.  There are steps to take at this point.  Does he have a diagnosis?  If not, make an appointment with your Ped.  If he does, you need to connect with mental health supports.   You need to call your city or county mental health board and get immediate referrals to services.  Is your son on a disability waiver through the state?  Most states have started using autism waivers to cover extra care for your son and to give you the additional help you need to get… Read more »

forever_trust
Guest
forever_trust

I would recommend reading this before being quick to call the police the next time. http://thomasjohnsova.com/Page_1.html