It’s been a little while since I updated everyone on my personal battle with depression. For those of you new to this blog, I have been very open and honest about my struggles with depression.
My hope is that by creating dialog, we can quash some of the stigma attached to depression.
I’ve personally been on and off antidepressants for the last 15 years or so.
About a year and a half ago, I went to my doctor because I was feeling the all too familiar pull of depression, beginning to pull me under. I was put on 20mg of Paxil. That worked well for a little while but eventually, the dose was increased to 40mg/day.
Typically, I’m doing okay. I could always be worse but I could definitely be better.
I know things are beginning to go down hill for me when I start stressing out over things that really aren’t that important.
For example, right now, with everything we have going on, I can’t help but be consumed by feeling that my phone doesn’t have enough memory. It’s actually a bit embarrassing to admit that but it’s true.
You would think that I would be more focused on things that matter, like Lizze and the boys. Unfortunately, the truth is that this is what happens when I become completely overwhelmed.
I don’t neglect anyone, I’m just preoccupied.
When I’m in a better place, things like my phones memory don’t bother me. These types of thoughts are like a barometer for where I am at any point in time.
I also tend to be more impulsive during these times as well.
I’ve spoken to my doctor in the past about this and basically, I was told that there really is no fix for the amount of stress I’m under. There is no medication that will make these things better. They can take the edge off and help me to better cope but that’s about it.
Unfortunately, she’s right.
There really isn’t a scale for the amount of stress I feel each and every day. Medications can only do so much to help.
I’m starting to get a bit concerned that I may need a medication adjustment. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to go to my doctor about this. However, a change in medications will likely result is me being very sleepy until I adjust.
Right now, I can’t afford to be down.
I really just wanted to share how things were going for me, personally.
I wanted to also make sure to ask that if you feel you are depressed, talk to someone you trust. See your doctor. There is no shame in seeking out help when you need it.