Visitation. I hate that word. It brings back memories of the forced visitation that Gavin had with his abusive biological fathers side of the family.
I swore that as a family, we would never have to endure that again.
However, this afternoon Gavin was home for about 2 hours. It was a chance for the boys to visit with each other. They spent the time playing 3DS together.
I made sure that everyone kept a to their own personal space but they all got along well, for the most part.
Emmett was a bit difficult but everything worked out.
The three of them took turns with Elliott’s 3DS and did a great job. After Gavin left, the boys have been a bit on the frazzled side. Elliott has been crying because he wants a kitten and Emmett has been screaming over just about everything.
At the advice of Dr. Patti, Lizze hid away upstairs while Gavin was home. She was able to get a 2 hour nap and that was helpful for her.
It was odd because Gavin never asked about her once.
Lizze and I have been discussing some type of visitation for the boys and Gavin. Short bursts of time that won’t be overwhelming for the boys or for Gavin.
I dislike the fact that something like this is once again necessary in our lives but it is what it is.
I’m just glad that everything seemed to work out this afternoon. Time will tell if there are any lingering issues as a result of the boys getting together. I would expect some issues but hopefully nothing that would keep something like this from happening again, at a later date.
Rob–I see where Vicky is going with her comments. I was just wondering if these "short" visits would not be better conducted somewhere away from the house? Maybe at the therapist's office and each child having a support person present so if there is a crisis, there is still someone there to supervise if one of the Es has a meltdown that requires removal from the room where the visit is taking place. Also, videotaping the visits might be useful as well. As far as the kitten goes, I can't help there, but we do have 3 dachshund puppies for sale. They are really cute and playful and about the size of a kitten. Hope the weekend is manageable for all of you–
I might have missed something, but why is this necessary? It seems counter-productive to what you've been trying to achieve. I thought the goal was to create a calmer and safer environment, without Gavin's influence, and without his explosive and dangerous behavior.
I thought the urgency of removing him from your home was based on concern for the boys' and Lizze's safety. You mentioned that Emmett (?) said he didn't want to see Gavin, and Lizze falls apart at the mere thought of him being there. It seems like you are all hanging on by the slenderest of threads.
These visits seem like they would be very confusing for everyone and undermine any progress you've made.
I don't mean this to be critical; I just don't understand. Maybe it's different in Ohio, but in California, if it became public knowledge that a situation like this existed, Child Protective Services would be at the door with a court order of some kind, either to remove Gavin, or to remove the E's, until you could guarantee they would not be exposed to Gavin's psychological and potentially physical abuse. Isn't there some kind of agency there that could provide you, or Gavin's grandparents, regular respite periods, and additional support?
Everyday I check multiple times to see how you are doing. You have raised so many red flags, so many cries for help, I can't understand why your situation hasn't got more attention. I believe you desperately need someone to be a champion for your family, and help take some of the load off your shoulders. Of course you are stressed, and of course you are depressed! The situation you are living with would push anyone over the edge.
Rob, I see you trying so hard to keep everything together, and to be a perfect husband and father. You have amazing strength and courage.
Your family is always in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could think of something to do, to help ease your burdens.
@hudginsvicky I think came across wrong. We are trying to minimize contact. Unfortunately, there will be times that Gavin has to be home. For example, I have no idea what's going to happen over Thanksgiving break. That actually worries me.
What I'm trying to do is make the best out of a bad situation. Until he gets into placement, assuming that ever happens, we are at the mercy of the people helping us out with him. If they are unavailable, he comes home.
I was trying to say that this was very much like a visitation. I was very closely supervising all contact today and it seemed to go pretty well.
At the same time, Gavin was more like a guest.
You are a good friend. Thank you for what you said. I truly appreciate it. 🙂