Want to know what depression feels like?

My personal battle depression spans almost 2 decades. Like most things in life, I’ve had my ups and downs.  The same is still true today.

Everyday that I wake up, I struggle to stay on top of the depression. 

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I’ve always tried to stay in control of it, instead of it controlling me. For me, it’s better to look at it this way. Depression is a tricky bastard and something that is horribly, horribly stigmatized in our society. 



While I don’t have the statistics on me, I do know that I am far from the only ones fighting this often misunderstood and invisible condition.

I take Paxil everyday to help me manage my depression and it does seem to help. There are many different medications out there to help with depression. At this moment in time, my doctor and I have been using Paxil. This is likely to change in the near future as I think I need something a bit different. 

Anyway…….

Depression affects many aspects of my life.  It affects my abilities as a parent, husband and friend. It’s hard for me to stay focused on things and I often find myself unmotivated. 

I’m not as patient as I could be or would be otherwise and my frustration threshold is very low as well.

I’ve lost interest in things I used to enjoy.  I used to love playing video games but no longer have the attention span for them. I want to want to play them, I really do. I simply have no interest anymore.

Walking is something that I really do enjoy.  However, I have to really, really push myself to go.  I’m not lazy. It’s more like a lack of motivation.

Read This  Confessions of an #Autism Dad: I put myself in timeout

Depression even affects my writing. I can’t always string two coherent thoughts together. This is really frustrating for me because writing has become such an important part of my life.

It’s really weird because I don’t want to feel this way but at the same time, I don’t care.

I could go on and on.

The point is that depression can impact every aspect of a person’s life. 

This is just a few of the ways it affects mine. 


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  • slynn0601 says:

    And you could have gone on for hours describing the physical and emotional symptoms of  Depression, but like any of us who fight Depression, we know that people who share this debilitating curse know exactly what those are. I am thankful that in this day and age, people are talking more honestly and openly about Depression. Thank you for sharing and please know, you are not alone xo

  • OnyxPanthyr says:

    “I’m not as patient as I could be or would be otherwise and my frustration threshold is very low as well.
    I’ve lost interest in things I used to enjoy.  I used to love playing video games but no longer have the attention span for them. I want to want to play them, I really do. I simply have no interest anymore.
    Walking is something that I really do enjoy.  However, I have to really, really push myself to go.  I’m not lazy. It’s more like a lack of motivation.”
     
    I can’t express how perfect this explanation is!  It’s like you went in my head and pulled out my thoughts.  You’re not alone.

  • rmagliozzi says:

    I have battled depression for a long time too. It wasn’t until the last year or so that I finally got fed up and admitted it was getting pretty bad, and went on medication. I love exercise but have trouble motivating myself to do that too. I think with most of us autism parents it is the combo of isolation and constant stress we are bombarded with that makes the depression so ongoing..I find a combo of anti inflammatories, time to myself and low dose naltrexone really have helped lately. It is much easier to pull myself free from the blues if I stick to this combo. What if you found a walking buddy? Could you commit to walking with them maybe once a week?

  • blue4t says:

    I don’t suffer from depression, but I do have similar symptoms with the social anxiety I do suffer from, so I sort of know what you’re going through.  I take Prozac as it works well with OCPD that I have as well.  Hope you get better and don’t live with this for the rest of your life!

  • Liza says:

    This describes depression so well.