Easy to Love/Hard to Live With

My goal with this post is to help you better understand what it’s like to live with a child that has Reactive Attachment Disorder

I found a site this evening that really puts into words what Lizze and I are feeling. 
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Here’s a quote.  The original article can be found here – – – – > www.come-over.to

The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting a RAD child. Family and friends may think that you — the parent are the one with the problem. Families are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is non-existent, because outsiders can’t even begin to imagine that children can be so destructive. 

It is a known fact, that kids diagnosed with RAD tend to target their Moms, play it cool around their Dads, and charm strangers. Where does that leave a parent? Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated, demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of their child. 

Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart and soul of our RAD children. It’s heartbreaking, frustrating, mindboggling, and extremely stressful. In essence, we’re fighting to teach our children how to love and trust. Intimacy frightens our children; they have lost the ability to love, to trust, and to feel remorse for hurtful actions. They see us as the enemy. Small expectations on our part can set our children off in ways that are not only indescribable, but also often unbelievable.

I wish I could get the world to understand what this is like.  For that matter, I wish I could get the school to understand, specifically his teachers.

Life with Gavin is very difficult and that’s on the good days.

Frankly, we’re lucky to survive the bad days.

Unfortunately, the bad days are are becoming more and more frequent and less and less survivable.

I don’t share the things I do because I want to make Gavin look bad. I do it because I’m desperately trying to get everyone on the same page.

For example, if Gavin’s teachers don’t accept who he is and what he’s doing, he will continue to exploit that and eventually target another student, if he isn’t doing so ready.

I understand why people don’t catch on. Gavin’s very charming and that quite frankly is very disarming. The other part is basic human nature. No one wants to believe that a child is capable of the things Gavin’s capable of.

It’s a really tough pill to swallow but one that we need everyone to fricking choke down already.

Gavin is easy to love but difficult to live with……

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉

Update: If you like this post, check out these as well. Click —–> Here <—– for my Top Posts.


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Raynette Jones

the only reason i know anything (which is little) is because for a while it was on tv about kids being adopted from other countries and having RAD. It is not hard to understand. it would seem that you are dealing with professionals at a special school and when you say “my kid has RAD” they ought to get with the program. Maybe dr pattie can right a note?? I am more worried about his “immaginary friends” right now but I know you dont want him bullying other kids. It is different that you are so open on your blog and where you have that article where it says people think there is some kind of abuse and turn you in, don’t you worry that CPS is coming if you write that he is talking about burning the house down? this is one way i would say i didnt do right by my kids kinda and I dont know where it comes from. but i was real strict about what happens in our house stays in our house and we dont know nothing about nothing. i had to have learned that as a child for me to have preached that to my kids. but my childhood was back in the day when there was no cps to come but i am still like that. AND THERE WASNT ANYTHING HAPPENDING IN MY KIDS HOUSE OR NOW to not talk about.

Kim

I have worked with middle school students with multiple disabilities for close to ten years, and I have to say that it is amazing to read your blog. You and your wife are amazing people and my prayers go to you. I also send you whatever strength I can from another state.
I want to thank you though. Thank you for being so honest. Thank you for seeing the reality that so many parents don’t often see. That their children do have issues, that there are more layers to “our” kids than just autism. There is most often a psychological component and unfortunately also a psychotic component added in for fun. The frustrating thing for so many of the parents and support staff working with “our” kids and eventually “our” adults, is, that mental health professionals and regular health professionals don’t acknowledge that there is more there. It is no longer, if it ever was, just Autism.
Best of luck. Thank you and God Bless. I’m pulling for you, and you can do it. You two are strong, and have each other, and are being the best parents to your boys that you know how. They don’t come with manuals-though it would be nice! You keep doing what you can
-sincerely,
Kim

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