Confessions of a Heartbroken Father: When doing what’s best breaks your heart

I have some news to share.  While this news is heartbreaking, it’s also going to give us a glimmer of hope.  It’s a tiny glimmer but a glimmer nonetheless.

This will probably be a short post because it’s been an emotionally draining day, filled with challenges.  Some we bested and others we didn’t.

Here’s what you need to know..

image



We met with Dr. Pattie tonight and we’ve come to a decision in regards to Gavin. This decision is the result of a culmination of events and circumstances that are very quickly getting out of control. 

I’ll provide more details at another time but here’s the long and short of it. 

We are going to be placing Gavin in residential treatment

This isn’t the first time that this has been on our short list of potential options. Most recent was our attempts to get him placed last year. The problem we ran into was Gavin’s physical health.  At the time he was experiencing frequent Autonomic Crises.

Here’s what we realized tonight. 

It’s not fair to Elliott, Emmett, Lizze and myself to be forced to live in constant turmoil and dramatic chaos as a result of Gavin’s antisocial behaviors.  Likewise, it’s not fair to put Gavin in situation where he’s expected to coexist in a way that he’s simply not capable of doing. 

The goal with residential treatment is and has always been to give Gavin the tools he needs to overcome or work around some of the challenges associated with Reactive Attachment Disorder (which will later be changed to antisocial personality disorder once he’s 18 years of age).

He needs to learn how to interact with the world around him in a healthier way.

There are things broken in Gavin that cannot be fixed.  However, he can learn new ways in which he can reduce the impact these things have on his life. 

I’m not exactly sure where we start this process again. 

As you recall, we were involved in Stark County Wrap Around several times already and that is the precursor to securing funding needed for the almost $800/per day out of pocket expenses associated with this type of treatment. 

Unfortunately, the Wrap Around experience hasn’t been a productive one and at the end of last school year, they sorta just disappeared, never to be heard from again.  We never really pursued them after that because we were getting nowhere with them and Gavin’s health was so unstable that we couldn’t find a treatment center that would touch him, 

Now that he’s relatively stable, his doctors might be willing to sign off on this and that would open so many doors. 

At this point that all we really know. 

I’m going to try and get some sleep because I’m really not in a good place and we have to meet with the school in the morning to discuss whether or not Gavin will repeat the 8th grade. 

I’ll let you know how that one goes….

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 3. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉

Update: If you like this post, check out these as well. Click —–> Here <—– for my Top Posts.


Visit the My Autism Help Forums

To reach me via email, please Contact Me

Take a second and answer the poll

Has being an Autism parent had an impact on your physical or emotional health?


U-Lace No-Tie Sneaker Laces

Facebook Profile photo

About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

10
Leave a Reply (Login to the site or comment as a guest)

Please Login to comment
avatar
9 Comment threads
1 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
9 Comment authors
Nicole Davies Smithmandy111_2000Lost and Tired5pkVal Cross Recent comment authors

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Dobby
Guest
Dobby

I have feared that this day was coming for a while now. I know it is going to be a huge change for your family, but a change that seems to be nessecary at this point in time. I know this is going to be yet another rough road for everyone involved and please know that you will all be in my prayers. Stay strong and know that you are doing the very best that you can at making the best choices you can with the options you have. I will be praying for all of you. Keep your head… Read more »

tannawings
Guest
tannawings

My thoughts are with you and your family. Some of the toughest decisions are sometimes the best.

Mom of three
Guest
Mom of three

I am sorry you are all going through this. We have gone through similar treatment with our son. He spent 15 months in a treatment center, but then return home when funding ran out. After another rough year and another psych admission, we took him off all meds. That helped a lot and we slowly re-introduced minimal meds.

snapcrakklepop
Guest
snapcrakklepop

First of all, *HUG*. This is such an exhausting road to go on, but you never give up hope. As a parent, it’s just physically impossible. Even when you SAY you’ve lost hope, when you throw up your hands and declare that you’re done, everyone knows deep down there is that microscopic bit of hope that nothing can extinguish. I was watching my favorite summer show last night, So You Think You Can Dance, and there was a young man auditioning who got turned down after not quite impressing the judges with his attempt in the choreography round. He broke… Read more »

Val Cross
Guest
Val Cross

I read Eileen’s book also, really taught me a lot.

Val Cross
Guest
Val Cross

Sending hugs and prayers to your whole family.

5pk
Guest
5pk

Hugs for you.

I actually work in RTC for kids and still this breaks my heart.

Lost and Tired
Guest

I’m a little behind on responding to comments but I just wanted to say that I’ve read all your comments and thank you all so much for your kind words of support. 🙂

mandy111_2000
Guest
mandy111_2000

HUGS I know you will do what’s best for your family and Gavin and right now this sounds like this is for the best for all of you. <3 Hugs again

Nicole Davies Smith
Guest
Nicole Davies Smith

I read every one of your posts. My son Aaron is very much like Gavin. Painfully similar. We made the decision to place Aaron in residential treatment in February. I never thought things would come to that. Aaron is 11 and we have a 7 year old daughter. We had to think of her well being also. But things were escalating to the point where he was getting more and more aggressive (since he was 5). It’s so hard for a 7year old to have to have a safety plan in her own home. I do have to say that… Read more »