I’m sitting with Elliott sleeping next to me on the couch (nightmares) and feeling guilty. I hate dead time because all I do is think and analyze the things that have recently occurred.
Tonight is one of those nights.
Lizze goes to bed very early everyday because she can’t physically go on. So I spend most nights alone with my thoughts, writing. However, sometimes I think a bit to much and doesn’t always end well.
Tonight is one of those nights where I feel incredibly guilty. I feel guilty for not having more patience with Gavin. He just talks nonstop and constantly repeats himself and after awhile it gets to me.
He tries so hard and deserves better from me. All I can say is that I’m human and can only take so much. However, I still need to do better. I really do try but I guess I just need to try harder. It’s tough to explain but sometimes things have a way of breaking you over time. Kind of like water errodes away a rock over time.
I’m far from perfect and nights like tonight, when all I have is time to think, I realize just how imperfect I really am. It’s not about ego either. It’s about my family deserving better than I am giving them.
Does that make sense????
– Lost and Tired
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