Yesterday was honestly one of the hardest days of my life but I survived. My marriage of nearly two decades officially came to an end, oddly enough, with the same words that it began with, I do.
Our court hearing took place over the phone, at my attorney’s office.
It’s kinda weird doing something like this over the phone but COVID has changed a great many things on our daily lives. The whole process took only a few minutes and it basically ended with the Lizze and I each being asked if we wanted to the court to adopt our agreement. I hadn’t recognized the irony of answering that question with I do until 24 hours later, as I was writing this.
The question was asked something like this. Robert, do feel the agreement is fair, in the best interests of your children? Do you want the court to adopt it and dissolve your marriage? That’s paraphrased but you get the point. I simply answered that yes, I do. Lizze did the same when it was her turn. That was essentially the entire process. By 8:32am, it was over and my marriage had been dissolved.
I didn’t get as emotional as I thought I would or rather, was afraid I would. What I did experience was pretty easy to contain under two masks.
When everything was over, Lizze came by the house to give the kids a hug. It was all done outside and with masks on due once again to COVID. As I had hoped, it was reassuring to the kids to have contact with her, after knowing our marriage had officially ended. I loaded up some of the things she’d asked me to pack up her and that was it.
On one hand, nothing really changed. Lizze and I still get along without any problems. We’re still a parenting team and she’s still a vital part of our children’s lives. On the other hand, everything has changed because all I’ve known, including things that were part of my identity, have officially come to a close. I’m not quite sure I’ve been hit by that just yet. I imagine that it’s going to take some time to adjust to the changes but I’m confident that I’ll be fine.
I’m not one for cliché statements and I don’t believe that time heals all wounds. I do believe that with time, we learn to live with the things that happen in our lives. Time isn’t this magic entity that makes pain or loss go away. I believe that pain or loss will always be with us, however, time helps us to find ways to live with it and continue moving forward.
I woke up this morning and realized that for the first in nearly 20 years, I have a fresh start. Yesterday I closed a chapter in the book about my life. There are so many chapters left to write and while I don’t know what they will say or how they will read, I do know that they are yet to be written.
I’m probably going to keep the rest of this week low key because I’m physically and emotionally depleted. I have plenty of work and three kids to keep me occupied and prevent me from standing still for too long.
I have some work to do on the podcast and an interview to prep for this Friday. I’m exhausted but determined. My life is going to be what I make of it and my plan is to give my kids the best life possible. Today is officially the first day of rest of my life and I have no idea what it has in store for me, but I’m going to find out.
You’re welcome to join us as we begin this new journey. It should be interesting.. ☺
It’s not so much that the painful things are gone. They do heal although there is scar tissue. So there may always be a sensitivity in that area. I do think acceptance makes the scars easier to bear.
Well said Becky. ☺
I guess I mean that life will never really be the way it was before. That may be a good thing or a bad thing. You’re right though. The scars left behind can be very sensitive.