Confessions of a special needs father: Things I miss

I’ve been a special needs parent for longer than some people and short than others. Sometimes I miss my old “normal”  life. I miss things being simple,  at least comparatively speaking, to the way they are now.

I miss having friends.  I miss having a career and brotherhood of the fire department.

I miss being financially secure and the ability to plan for my future without having to worry about making sure we don’t lose insurance coverage for the kids. I miss not knowing what half of the medical conditions we deal with every day now,  are.

I miss being able to pick up and go camping or going to work out,  without having to worry about anything.

I miss having hair and being in shape,  both of which have long since run away due to the constant stress. I miss seeing my family and being able to did things together. I miss getting up in the morning and not knowing what the day was going to bring me. 

Being a special needs parents x3 is easily one if the most difficult things I have ever attempted to do in my life.

It’s like having 3 full time jobs,  all at the same time.  The hours suck and the pay is terrible.  The stress of everything has my BP to high and I don’t sleep well,  ever. There are no promotions and no pay raises or retirement benefits.

However,  the rewards are many.  These rewards hold no cash value and won’t pay the mortgage. I can’t trade them in for airline tickets or free gas for my car.

At the same time,  these rewards are priceless.  My appreciation for life is immense and I get to realize just how important the little things are. I get to experience truly unconditional love and acceptance.  I also get to see the world in a very different way than many other people ever will.

When it comes down to it,  while I do miss many things from my past,  I would never change one moment from my past for any of my present and future moments.

It’s human to miss the things that have long since come and gone. So I feel no guilt for the things that I miss.  I chose to embrace these feelings so that I control them,  instead of the other way around.

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Misscant Bewrong

oh jeez mobile is hard I used to work at a mdd group home with patients who had severe mentally and physically disabilities and ill say one thing I liked my patients more than employees. Yes I.get kicked and bite but the employees were lazy and verbally abusive and bullied me and the patients. My heart saddened when family didn't visit them and watch them be tossed away and were strong we take care of children with disabilities and we didn't toss them were trying. If you ever have to put any kids in group home please no matter what they do visit. One I know the patients history was violent but they had feelings the pain of family not wanting home visit because of fear was understanding but there was no reason for them to not drop by with staff supervision. I learned so much working there how even a person who is completly abnormal and lost in an imaginary world can cry over once having a family and having complete knowledge over "I was bad idky but they don't want me around. anymore." broke my heart. I don't know why but I wouldn't visit a hard normal criminal in jail but a mental patient who can't explain why they aren't normal I could never forget. I actually feel horrible leaving for faircreast jail I feel. like I let those people down I truly made great friends with people who could barely talk. patience is what people with disabilities need from others

Misscant Bewrong

I miss working, my social interaction from employment, I miss being able to buy my kids more, but I don't miss the horrible unsupported people. My pride wants to work because sometimes not supporting my family financially make me feel down but alsoi realize my true responsiblilty my kids needs and only I can do this job no one wants my job and dispute the comments that I can't handle it. I am I'm trying .I do my best so this is my job. I concede worked at a group home for meds plus psychosis and it also was a job no one wanted or could handle and I thought if this was me or my child I would want to be treated properly and I did what needed to be done. you look at the gaps where care is lacked and you step in because it needs done. I view my life like that there's to many in home needs to leave home and its a never ending job so forget what I want its what they need <3 our kids will thank us one day more than the hugs we get today.

@Perplexingminds

I really enjoyed reading this post Rob 🙂

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