I don’t know how we did it

      8 Comments on I don’t know how we did it


One of the things that Dr.  Patti has told us time and time again, is that we are doing the right thing for Gavin.

She explained that she has other families going through similar things that finally decide to do residential care for their child. Once the child has been placed and they experience life with less challenge, they don’t know how they did things before.

I’m officially on the boat now. 

Gavin’s only been home for 2 days and I’m already going crazy. I honestly don’t know how we lived like this before. 



He’s not necessarily even doing anything seriously wrong either.  It’s just the constant stress of having to watch his every move with the other boys and pay attention to everything he says and does.

As a child with reactive attachment disorder, we have to be very careful with him because almost everything he does is for a reason and those reasons aren’t always good.

Gavin likes to control people through manipulation and is very good at doing that.



He can also be very passive aggressive with the things he does to target people. I’m just seeing everyone’s stress level climbing as well as Elliott’s anxiety.

Both Elliott and Emmett are afraid to be alone, anywhere in the house and I have to accompany Emmett to the bathroom or else he won’t go potty.

I had someone comment a little bit ago about how I was a dick and a total douche for having this attitude towards Gavin.

All I can say is before you judge, walk 3 feet in my shoes. Try living with a child that in literally incapable of caring about anyone but himself.  You live with the constant tantrums and violent outbursts.  You try and decide what’s manipulation and what isn’t.

My guess is that you couldn’t hack it. 

I’ve realized today, that having Gavin home for anything more than a brief visit, is simply not healthy for anyone in the house.

I honestly don’t know how we managed for as long as we did.

Elliott and Emmett love Gavin, as we all do.  They miss him and enjoy playing with him.  However, their behaviors, lack of appetite, inability to sleep and fear of being alone, say otherwise.

Again, Gavin isn’t having tantrums or violent outbursts.  He’s just being manipulative and passive aggressive Gavin.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t mix well with everyone else.

Does that make any sense?

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About Rob Gorski

Father to 3 with Autism and husband to my best friend. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)

  

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GildaMSanchez
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GildaMSanchez

It makes absolute sense! I know how difficult it is–keep positive comments as support for what you have to go through. Just think–you have what it takes…being a DAD…and LOVING your children.  🙂

Kate
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Kate

I have an interesting question: is it easier to deal with the tantrums and the outright violent behavior, or with the passive agressive and manipulating? I don’t ask that to be a smart ass but because I’m genuinely curious.  Which causes more disruption, and to whom? How do you handle it?

lostandtired
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@Kate that’s a really good question. In a really weird way, I think that that violent tantrums are easier than the passive aggressive and manipulative behavior. The tantrums are obvious. The passive aggressive and manipulation are more difficult to pick up on.
For me, the passive aggressive behaviors and manipulation are more difficult because it’s harder to protect the family from those as they’re less obvious.
The boys are most affected by the tantrums because they are traumatized by the noise.
As for how we handle it, truthfully, I don’t know.

lostandtired
Guest

@Kate that’s a really good question. In a really weird way, I think that that violent tantrums are easier than the passive aggressive and manipulative behavior. The tantrums are obvious. The passive aggressive and manipulation are more difficult to pick up on.
For me, the passive aggressive behaviors and manipulation are more difficult because it’s harder to protect the family from those as they’re less obvious.
The boys are most affected by the tantrums because they are traumatized by the noise.
As for how we handle it, truthfully, I don’t know.

Kate
Guest
Kate

I have an interesting question: is it easier to deal with the tantrums and the outright violent behavior, or with the passive agressive and manipulating? I don’t ask that to be a smart ass but because I’m genuinely curious.  Which causes more disruption, and to whom? How do you handle it?

jjean3940
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jjean3940

a douche??? really???  HA

lostandtired
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@jjean3940 yes, it’s true. 🙁 lol

rmagliozzi
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rmagliozzi

Rob, as my oldest gets older, I get where you are coming from with Gavin. I understand why you keep such a close eye on him. We cannot leave my oldest alone with the youngest anymore due to certain behaviors that happened, and in public I have to watch him like a hawk. He gets very defensive if kids look at him the wrong way, he misinterprets things little kids do and that can set off a tantrum or rage. He is also a very good looking boy and somehow attracts alot of attention from people when we go anywhere,… Read more »