Today has been a rough one for me. I’m feeling pressure in many areas right now and trying to hold everyone together. Recently, I been feeling very, very defeated.
The truth is, life doesn’t stop because your a special needs family. There aren’t any free passes just because life is more challenging.
No one really takes into account that you have very challenging children or a chronically ill spouse. You’re held to the same standards as anyone else would be. Honestly, there are times that I just want to scream how unfair that is. How can a special needs family be held to the same standards as someone without those challenges?
There are other times that I feel more accomplished because we’ve been able to rise to the occasion despite overwhelming odds.
Sometimes, I just sorta break down.
That’s pretty much where I am right now.
I realize that there is simply more going on than what I can handle on my own. There are too many directions I need to go in and I haven’t figured out how to be in two places at the same time.
I’m sure many of you know what it’s like to be constantly going and never really getting a chance to stop and catch your breath. This isn’t something unique to the Lost and Tired family.
There are times that I get so overloaded that I just can’t carry everything. Too many battles on too many fronts.
I just feel hopeless…….
Hoplessness is a devastating feeling. To feel like you have no direction to go in or no options to choose from. Like no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to win or be able to make things better.
That’s what I’ve been feeling lately.
With every piece of bad news I get, it just seems to get worse and the feeling of hoplessness sinks in a little further.
It used to be that I could just push through anything in my way. It took a great deal to actually bring me down. Maybe it’s age or just exhaustion but it doesn’t feel like I can cope as well as I used to and that sucks.
In my life, coping skills are a necessity.
I’m getting ready for bed tonight and I check on the boys. They’re sleeping so peacefully and I’m reminded that they need me to keep going.
If it were just me, I could call it quits.
However, it’s not just me. These boys are relying on me to find the strength to shake this off and guide them forward. Lizze is counting on me as well. That’s just the reality of it.
Reality isn’t always easy to face but I think that sometimes you have to face reality in order to find the strength to keep going.
I’ve faced reality. Now I need to find the strength.