This is sad and I hate to admit it, but it’s true

This is really sad and I’m a bit ashamed to admit this but I’m not looking forward to Gavin coming home with more homework.  Homework has been a really challenging area for us as of late. 


I’m afraid to even approach this today with him because it honestly makes my head hurt.  I can’t imagine how it makes Lizze’s head feel. 

Gavin has been extremely uncooperative and dishonest when it comes to his school work.  This has most likely been going on all year and we are only just now catching on to his game.  It’s not that he can’t do the work.  He just doesn’t seem to want to do it. 

If you ask his teachers, and we have, he’s doing really well. 

I don’t know what’s going on with Gavin.  That’s not actually true.  We’ve spoken with Dr. Pattie and we all believe that Gavin is playing us.  I really truly hate to say this but unfortunately, I believe this is the case. 

It’s become obvious to Lizze, myself and Dr.  Pattie, that Gavin’s splitting or rather attempting to spit us and the school. 

At this point, I just don’t even have the energy or desire to deal with this right now.  It’s not going to lead to anything positive and until we meet either the school on Friday, we’re not going to get anywhere.  🙁

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Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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Just read your post on what RAD is, wow that changes the rules again.
Good luck with your latest challenge, I hope things improve with Gavin’s schooling soon. I follow a lot of Autism blogs but this is fast becoming my favourite.

Lost and Tired

eeyorekitty88 I totally agree. He doesn’t really get homework. This is school work he refuses to turn in while at school and brings it home. I’m honestly so confused by this whole thing.

Lost and Tired

KathyKohlBuehler That is exactly what I just told him tonight. I’m no longer going to worry about this because he’s only hurting himself. That said, when we meet with the school in 2 days, we are going to bring them up to speed and let them know exactly whats going on. 
Once we have done that then I feel like the balls in Gavin’s court. 
again, my issue is not so much with the school work but the lying and dishonesty. I don’t like being played and I certainly don’t like to played against his teachers. 
I can’t afford to allow the stress of this to take over the house and as you said, I’m never going to get a straight answer from him. 

Excellent advice. Thank you very much. 🙂

Lost and Tired

robinsonfruitbat I would absolutely agree with you in just about any other circumstances but no this. You can’t look at this as a strictly Autism thing. This is manipulative behavior and part of being a RAD kid. Perhaps it’s not an attitude problem but he is trying to manipulate those around him through his behavior. 
We are being played. That;s not in question at this point, though I can understand why you take the stand that you do. 
This is very likely all about control and him wanting to to things his way and not the way he’s being told to do it. 
The other thing to keep in mind is that this isn’t homework. This is work that he was supposed to do in school but didn’t finish it because we wanted to do something else instead. Right now I need to find out from the school what’s happening since I last spoke with them. Also keep in mind that Gavin is in a special needs school. He’ snot mainstreamed and every teacher there is special ed.
This is more of a power struggle than him being asked to do something he simply can’t do. 

Thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate them and again, if we were talking one of the other kids, you would be absolutely right. 🙂


I have spoken to other parents at our support group who have had this problem. They firmly believe it is because in their child’s head school work is AT SCHOOL, not AT HOME. It makes perfect sense to the child. Is there any facility for him to stay late and do his homework? Would the school consider this as an alternative to him not doing it? It is my opinion that our special children should be given some consideration for their special needs. Treating then the same as others is all well and good when teaching them the concepts of how the world works and conformity but sometimes it just goes against the grain. He may not be able to articulate why he refuses to do the homework but he certainly is ‘showing’ you that he has an issue with it. I don’t agree that he is playing you or has an attitude problem.

Lost and Tired

Randall Ric yes it is.

Lost and Tired

Tonya Mb that’s true. However the homework isn’t the problem.. The problem is Gavin’s attitude towards it,

Tonya Mb

It seems to me that you should be able to address this with the school. The more you can put in their hands, the better for your sanity. Homework modifications should be in the IEP

Randall Ric

in the pic is that your honey running out the door lol


I have it in my son’s IEP that he does not get homework.  Too much for me to handle and most importantly, he has tried to keep it together all day at school, why prolong it at home?  I am 100% for keeping the school work at school.


Okay, don’t engage in the homework struggle whatsoever.  It is his work, his school consequence if it is not done. Notify the teacher that for a week (or forever) you will not participate in Gavin’s schoolwork.  You may get an idea if he is playing you, or is actually losing skills.  Use his homework time to be very, very busy with something or someone else. My true belief is that special ed kids work hard enough all day, and really don’t have much to work with at night.  Good luck, listen to my great advice, and enjoy your night homework free.