Guilt is a very powerful thing, especially when it comes to special needs parenting. I think it’s pretty common to feel guilty for a whole lot of things, especially when it comes to our children.
It’s also pretty common to feel guilty about getting frustrated with them or overwhelmed by their behaviors.
The truth is, many times these behaviors are outside of the child’s control. That being said, it doesn’t change the impact said behaviors can have on the parent or their environment.
I feel like many people, myself included, sometimes think that because our kids have disabilities or face challenges that make life a struggle at times, that as their parents, we should have an infinite amount of patience.
Feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted, angry or even resentful, is not something a parent should be ashamed of or feel guilty about. These feelings are natural and it doesn’t signify that you love your child any less.
Personally, I thinks it’s important to embrace these feelings and not ignore them. They are part of who we are and if we ignore them, it can be harder to keep these feelings in check.
At the end of the day, it matters more how we deal with what we feel than the simple fact that we feel them.
This is of course, only my opinion.
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I’m new to this site. I have a 13 year kid son with Aspergers, O.D.D., and C.D.
Those are his main issues. He became very dangerous and is now living at a residential for the past year and a half.
He’s been doing better. He gets intense therapy.
I’ve been dealing with terrible guilt. I know that residential is the best place for him but it’s hard . I know of no one in this situation .
I’m new to this blog, but based on the few responses to the posts I’ve read, I’m wondering if some of your readers are special needs themselves.
I’ve never seen such rambling, grammatically insufficient posts in my life. I’m actually wondering if they are trolls bent on distorting your message with their own rambling subterfuge.
it is uncanny how you posted what you did. we had a doctors appointment today and last night i told my son “be sure not to give me any trouble tomorrow”. by trouble I meant get a bath, dressed and ready with his iphone ipad and or macbook or whatever to head out the door at 1:00. Then I felt so guilty as he doesnt give me “trouble” it is just so frustrating that he doesnt feel good enough to bathe, get his stuff together to go, etc and I like to be on time. I try to be calm about going to the drs but i knew i would already have anxiety about taking him to the two appts and i didnt want to start off mad in the car because we would be late. I was so guilty that i said that, I went back to his room to remind he he “doesnt give me trouble” and i hoped he really knew he is not “trouble” as I didnt want him to feel worse than he does. I wanted to make sure he knew that i just didnt want to have to push, push, push to get us out the door. We got out the door really good and the cancer dr did talk to the rhumatologist and they both agree to ty the IVIG. He just has to get the insurance to agree. we got his blood work last so i dont have any counts. He had 7 mouth ulcers including one he could see in his throat, he had a migraine, he feel asleep waiting for the dr. all his vitals were good. other good news is i called the rhuemy and asked if we still had to come since we were there at the oncologist and he said no he would just rite his refills for his prescriptions and i can pick them up. this of course made my son very happy as he didnt want to deal with another dr appt. the dr wants to do the ivig for four months. if we see a difference we will keep going if not we will stop. the other great news is my son told me that if he did get cancer again that he would consider treating it. that is better than what he always has said that he would NOT treat it as it has been so horrendous and since he is 21 he would get to choose. There is no reason for him to get cancer again and we are 9 years out so i dont think he will get it again, but i didnt think he would get it the first time and then relapse and then go into spontanious remission.
Thanks so much for this post I’m in total agreement with you nice to see that were on the same page. Totally needed to see this coming from a parent like you. Wonderful.
Couldn’t agree more, there are days when I feel like the scum of the earth for not being able to cope with J’s general “otherness” and when you couple that to insane traffic, crazy office hours, mother with MS and an underemployed husband “renovating” every room in the house plus all the medical bills we are currently dealing with I just want to hibernate for a few months. But then something good happens, something that makes it all worthwhile, like J completing his vocational skills tasks and not only enjoying it but also deciding that he can “maybe just be like everyone else – only smarter”. To try and keep our mornings happy and less stressful (especially in the crazy traffic) we now have a bet – for every time I shout at other drivers he gets R10.00 and I get R20.00 every time he uses the F word ( a new very undesirable habit we can’t seem to break) – so far we are both still in a negative balance and laugh so much more…I too am often lost and tired, feel deeply misunderstood by other parents and colleagues re my child, but after 16 years I know that I am entitled to this occasionally – it keeps sane to vent or wallow every few weeks, and if people don’t like it or don’t think “a mother with a special needs child should say things like this/do these things” they can, to quote my son, F-OFF!! Live our life and then issue judgement, until then shut the hell up. Thank you Rob, feeling great now!!!