Learning from my parenting mistakes

I like to think that I’m always learning. I’ve talked about this incredible personal growth journey I’ve been on the last couple of years. I feel as though I’ve been learning so much about myself and who I really am. Maybe that sounds a bit weird but we fully embrace the weird in my house, so it’s okay.

While growing on a personal level, I’m discovering things that I like, dislike, or want to change about myself. This is true in various parts of my life, but for the purposes of this post, I’m going to be focusing on my parenting. Actually, I’m going to be talking about my parenting mistakes, one in particular that I’m currently working to address.

For the last few years, my kids have basically owned me. I did everything I could to make them happy because I felt incredibly guilty for everything my kids have been through. I over-compensated and had a very difficult time saying no to them. They had been through so much over the years and I wanted to make their lives as easy as I could.

This was well intentioned but misguided and now I’m playing cleanup.

My kids are amazing, intelligent, kind, compassionate human beings, but they’re used to having me wrapped around their finger. Part of my personal journey is learning to say no and standing my ground, even when it comes to my kids.

The kids are definitely resistant to the changes I’m making but it’s important I make them.

For the most part, things are going well. Sometimes though, the kids feel like I’m not listening to them because I’m not giving them what they want. There’s a world difference between not listening to someone and listening to someone while not giving them what they want. Just because I don’t agree with their argument and ultimately do what I think is right, doesn’t mean their requests are falling on deaf ears. That’s the current challenge I’m working through with them.

As the boys become more independent, I gain a bit more independence as well. The challenge is making sure that we keep both of these things in balance. I feel like we’re doing a pretty good job but there are still a few hiccups that need to be worked out. Most of these hiccups are avoidable but some are going to require time to work through.

The whole point is that things can be a bit challenging sometimes as we’re adapting to this new found growth. There are very positive things that have sprung to life as a result of these changes but it’s not perfect. The boys and I will experience growing pains as we continue to move forward, and that’s okay.

Had I made these changes years ago, when I should have, we’d be much better off right now. I can’t go back in time and change things. I can, however, learn from my mistakes and avoid them in the future. While these changes will take some time to take root, it’s definitely in everyone’s best interest to keep pushing through them.

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