My brain is fried and my heart is broken

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If there are any grammar errors, I’ll fix them in the morning.  I can’t keep my eyes open and I’m going to bed.  

I’m going to try and sum up everything as best I can.  If this doesn’t make sense to anyone, please know my brain is fried and my heart is broken. I’m doing the best I can at this point.

Let me begin by saying that this was one of the most difficult appointments we’ve had in a very long time.  I’m really exhausted after today but I’ll do my best to have this make sense.

I also spoke to both sets of grandparents prior to writing this because I wanted to bring them up to speed before they read about it here.

With that said, here’s what we’re facing.
We only had to wait about 30 minutes to be seen and our appointment lasted the better part of an hour.

Gavin started things out by bringing Dr. Reynolds up to speed on his latest missions. This was important because it allowed Dr. Reynolds to see first hand what Gavin’s experiencing and helped to give him a better understanding of what we’re dealing with.

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Gavin told Dr. Reynolds everything he wanted to tell him, before it was his turn to answer some questions about the way his world works and things like that.

We then sent Gavin back out to the waiting room while the grownups had a very unpleasant and brutally honest conversation. Talking about this stuff in front of Gavin isn’t something Lizze and I are comfortable with.

Here’s the long and short of it.

Gavin’s worse now than he’s ever been before and just to get this out of the way, it has nothing to do with Lizze moving home. This is the progressive nature of what Gavin has going on.  It’s no one’s fault and this would have happened regardless.

It’s very important to remember that correlation does not always equal causation.

We were taken aback by Dr. Reynolds saying that this is much worse than when he was younger because Gavin was unmanageable back then. He was completely delusional and experiencing very dark hallucinations. Behaviorally, he wasn’t safe to have in the house and spent time in the psych unit of Akron Children’s Hospital close to a dozen times in less than three years.

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Those behavioral issues are long since gone but unfortunately, the degree to which his delusions have become  fixed and how much more consuming his hallucinations have gotten, simply isn’t good.

In fact, Dr. Reynolds told us that this was bad and not simply just a psychotic break. Being the glutton for punishment that I am, I asked what exactly bad meant. Lizze wanted to know on a scale of one to ten, how bad are things.

The unfortunate truth is that the seriousness of Gavin’s current condition is just about as bad as Dr. Reynolds has ever seen. He explained that it was at least a 9/10. To put that into perspective, he further explained that at Gavin’s worst moments when he was younger, he was maybe a 6 or 7/10.

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