Navigating The In-Between

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So last night was pretty rough. We’re coming up on the one year mark since Lizze moved out and while I feel like the kids are doing better, there’s still a tremendous amount of pain.

Each of the kids deal with everything in different ways. Gavin simply accepts whatever he’s told, never questioning anything. Emmett doesn’t want to make waves, so he largely avoids any type of conflict but is angry. Elliott accepts nothing and keeps everything bottled up until he explodes.

It was like an emotional nuclear bomb exploded in my living room last night.

Elliott unloaded a great deal of what he’s been keeping inside and all I could really do was listen. I don’t agree with everything he said but I won’t take away how he feels. As much as I wanted to fix it for him, I couldn’t. I eventually got Lizze on the phone so she could take part, as this largely concerned her.

It wasn’t pleasant and it’s very clear that Elliott is still incredibly angry. Lizze listened to everything he said and I give her credit for that because Elliott was not very tactful. I want Elliott to speak his mind because he needs to be heard. At the same time, I’m trying to help him develop a more respectful approach.

I don’t agree with her choices but no matter what, she will always be their mother and there has never been a doubt in my mind that she desperately loves our kids.

Lizze and the boys live in a very black and white world. That’s very common for people on the spectrum but it makes things like this so much more complicated.

Lizze isn’t a horrible person at all. Parents split for a million different reasons. That’s just the unfortunate reality of being human. When you live in a world that’s back and white, you tend to put people into two categories, good and bad.

In this black and white world, if a parent leaves, especially a mother, they’re bad or don’t love you. While maybe that’s true in some cases, that’s not even close to case in this situation. There’s all kinds of nuance missed when you can’t see the in-between.

Rob Gorski

Full time, work from home single Dad to my 3 amazing boys. Oh...and creator fo this blog. :-)
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