One of the biggest challenges is helping the kids understand that’s this is not a black and white issue. Therapy helps but it’s going to take time.
I used to wish that I could undo all of this and put things back but there’s no going back. It would never work and I won’t put the kids through this again. That’s not easy for me to say out loud because I hate absolutely everything about this.
As I’ve grown over the last year, I’ve also begun to move on. If I had one wish at this point, it wouldn’t be to put things back. My wish would be for Lizze and the boys to forge a new path forward. I desperately want them to figure things out and build a new relationship.
People change and sometimes those changes can be a difficult adjustment, especially when kids are involved. It’s so important to me, that I do whatever I can to help everyone find their way. Some parents split up, hate each other and work to make the kids pick a side. That’s pretty fucking awful but it happens all the time.
Lizze and I understand the absolutely vital role we play in our kids lives, even now. Especially now.
Elliott has every right in the world to be angry or hurt or anything else for that matter. I don’t know what it’s like to have your mother leave. My parents are still together and I don’t have a frame of reference.
I know what it feels like to have my wife leave and it’s fucking awful but that doesn’t compare to what the kids are dealing with.
Lizze and I are working very well together. I don’t talk about her very much out of respect for her privacy and because the story going forward is about me and the kids.
The challenge is healing. Healing takes time and it’s much harder for kids to move on because they lack the life experience to understand that things will get better.
I’m a fixer and I know Lizze will totally agree with that. It’s really hard for me to see everyone hurting and not be able to fix it. All I can do is be there for everyone, including Lizze.
These moments where one of the kids unload like this are heartbreaking and emotionally exhausting for all involved.
Every single day, we’re slowly rebuilding what has been broken. It will never be the same and that’s okay. It will be something new. Things like trust are very fragile and must be earned over time. Patience, persistence, love and understanding will help us find the way to whatever the future has in store for us.
I’m choosing to remain positive and I refuse to let any of this negatively change who I am. It’s not easy but my kids deserve the very best I have to offer. I need to be the best version of me, and for that to happen, I can’t have any room in my life for anger, hatred or resentment.
I’m actually at peace with this, at least for the most part. I still have my days where I’m sad and lonely, especially since lockdown.
All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.