It’s been a really shitty week and I’m down but not out

This week has been pretty rough, and that’s by our standards. Thus far school has been a technical frustration for the boys and they’re quickly forming an opinion that will be difficult to work through.

The boys are very turned off to school at this point and there are only so many battles I can pick right now. I need this to work.

Admittedly, I’m really frustrated with it myself and have questioned whether or not we chose the right school.

I will say that the school staff seems really cool. I’ve spent a good bit of time on the phone with various teachers and administrators this week. Everyone is super nice and wanting the boys to have the best experience possible.

These technical issues will hopefully be resolved in the coming days and we can begin solidifying our new routine. Once we get there, I want to work on finding something for Gavin because he’s expressed interest in taking classes. I’m thinking the Khan Academy might be a good place to start.

The last thing I needed is Ruby hopping up on my bed and peeing on it.

Ruby is feeling the strain a bit as well because she’s been having accidents in the house and that’s somewhat unusual for her. I was working yesterday and she hopped up on my bed to lay with me while I was working and instead took a leak all over my mattress.

Several months ago, I picked up a SpotBot that makes cleaning up after her, incredibly easy.

Ruby goes through phases where she does really well and then doesn’t. I think it’s probably more my fault than hers because with everything going on, I forget to let her outside as often as I should. Either way, at least cleanup is a bit less challenging but nonetheless frustrating.

I’ve been really struggling to get any work done and that is probably going hurt next month. I’m not sure how badly it’s going to hurt but I’m a bit worried.

The nature of the beast is such that something can come in at any time and totally turn things around. It happens all the time. It just hasn’t happened this month. Yet.

I’m not giving up and I’ll keep plugging away.

Trying to find a balance with work and the kids, especially with school, is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. That said, I’m incredibly lucky to be working from home and I don’t lose sight of that.

At this point, I’m emotionally and physically drained. I feel burnt out and ready for all this to be over with.

My mom had a serious health scare recently and had major surgery this week. Thankfully, everything went well and she’s recovering at home now. She’s a total badass and quite literally the toughest person I know. I’m so grateful she made it through and is on the mend. I love you mom. ☺

Hands down the hardest part of lockdown for me was the last few weeks with my mom. I couldn’t see her and that’s so hard for me. I’m trying to do right by everyone and it’s not perfect. I have to keep my kids safe and as much as I wanted to run over there, I couldn’t. She’s at high risk as well and I’m trying to keep her safe also.

I know there are some people out there who think I’m doing all this for the attention. There is no amount of anything that’s worth all of this, aside from the safety of my children. That’s it.

There’s nothing about this that is fun for me or my kids. Life has become infinitely more challenging and the stakes are now life and death. I can’t wait until there is a vaccine and we have herd immunity.

Speaking of vaccines, I have to take the kids to the pediatrician next Tuesday and that will be the very first appointment since this whole thing started for us on March 5th. Actually, the pediatricians office was the last place we went before lockdown.

The idea of doing this is really scary but the boys are due for a couple vaccines since they both had recent birthdays and they need their flushots. Gavin needs blood work because his immunologist wants to runs his labs, as well as check for COVID antibodies. Apparently, they’re finding COVID antibodies in the IVIG medication already. Gavin may have some passive immunity and that would be nice to know.

I’m really, really nervous about Gavin having these labs done. I don’t know how to safely pull this off. I’ll probably put everyone in a KN95 mask and spend as little time there as possible.

Akron Children’s Hospital has very strict protocol for their appointments. I believe they only bring one family in at a time. Everyone waits in their car until they are temperature checked and escorted in. It should be safe but I’m nervous anyway and I wish this wasn’t necessary.

I’m going to touch base and try to figure out if anything has changed with their protocol. I also need to find out if there is an arrangements that can be made for Gavin’s labs.

With any luck, flu shots will be available and we can do all of this in one swoop.

I’m so tired anymore and I’m dragging. Depression is putting up a serious fight right now but so am I. I desperately need to find a better balance so we can stabilize and get our footing once again.

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