Today has been a total roller coaster ride. I turned 42 years old today and it was a rough birthday for a million reasons. The last few days have been particularly difficult for me.
The other night I had a very vivid dream. It was basically that my family was whole and that my marriage never imploded. It was just everyday life things. Kids went to school, I worked and we did all the normal things we used to do. It felt so real and it was one of those dreams where it’s like you wake up in your dream and think you’re actually awake. It’s really weird.
Anyway, it was such a good feeling and it honestly felt like all of this last year had just been a bad dream. It was so convincing that when I actually woke up, it took me a minute to realize what was real and what wasn’t. As weird as it may sound, I experienced the pain of my wife leaving again.
Maybe some view that as pathetic but the truth is, my family situation has been devastating for me on so many levels. While it’s true that for the most part, on a conscious level, I’m okay, there’s clearly still some emotional baggage I’m hauling around.
The point is, it messed me up and for the last few days. I’ve been incredibly depressed. It’s also one of the reasons I’ve been disconnected from my writing and online efforts recently as well.
That being said, I’m feeling a little better. I spoke with my parents today and that’s always awesome. My mom is recovering from major surgery and that’s fantastic as well. Lizze called to wish me a happy birthday and my mother in law reached out as well. My siblings texted me and I even heard from my kids therapist because we share the same birthday.
I’m so grateful for all the birthday messages I’ve received today. There’s no practical way for me to respond to everyone individually, so I’ll do it all at once. Please accept my most humble thank you for all the kind words, love and well wishes sent my way. I truly appreciate it.
I love you all and I wish I could reply to each person but let’s be honest, I can barely keep up with the basics right now.
The turning point in my day came when my friend Joel Manzer called. He owns autisable.com and we’ve been close friends for many years. He’s a fellow autism Dad as well.
Joel and I have very different views on politics and we got into a political discussion, which we do from time to time. We almost never agree but it doesn’t impact our friendship. He was totally pushing my buttons tonight and he was doing it on purpose. Our lively discussion ultimately brought me out of my funk and I finished my evening in a much better place.
We’re actually long overdue for a podcast recording together.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for caring. I really needed that today. I love you all and I’m so grateful to have you in my life, in whatever capacity that may be.
On a side note.
I try not to dwell on my pending divorce but there’s no way around the fact that I’m heartbroken. It is what it is and I’ve accepted that. I guess I just want people to know that if they’re going through something similar, they’re not alone.
Sharing also helps me process things so I guess it’s a twofer. ☺