The weekend got off to a rough start but I’m feeling so much better. The kids don’t have school today so everything is kinda thrown off as a result. It actually feels like a Sunday. I keep getting work emails that never come on the weekends and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s Monday.
Yesterday was my nieces first birthday and since everyone is vaccinated, we were able to get together and celebrate. It was so nice and I really liked visiting with everyone. The boys love playing with their little cousins and it helps me to see that life is moving forward.
Speaking of moving foward, I went on a date yesterday evening, and I had a nice time. It was super simple and we just met at an area park. I’m a little concerned that the idea of me dating is stressing out some of the kids. The entire time I was gone, I received a constant barrage of phone calls and text messages from one of my kiddos. I feel like maybe the timing was bad. Right now, the kids are going through a difficult time with their mom and I think this may just be a bit too much in the moment.
I just want to say that I don’t feel it’s selfish of me to want to move forward with my life. It’s not selfish for me to want to meet someone and build a new life. None of that is selfish. What would be selfish is for me to ignore what my kids are experiencing and push ahead with no regard for their feelings. I feel like they’d had a rough few days and me leaving to go out, was just a bit too much in that moment.
There’s so much I haven’t talked about and I likely won’t be talking about anytime soon. This is largely a means of protecting the kids from things they didn’t need to know. As we move forward, the kids are figuring things out on their own, and there’s nothing I can do about that.
I’m trying to open up a bit more without oversharing because I think it’s important context that helps you better understand our lives. I also want to help other people navigate difficult or challenging situations like this, in positive ways.
While I won’t go into to detail, it’s important to understand that the boys are dealing with a difficult situation.
Life after divorce isn’t all sunshine and roses. At the same time, it’s also not the end of the world. In fact, it’s actually a chance to start over, chart a new course, and build something entirely new. I’m excited about that, I honestly am.
For the most part, the boys are doing well. We survived COVID, remote learning, and have begun to reenter the world. They will begin their vaccination process on Friday and that will be a big step forward toward helping ensure my family is safe.
The situation with their mom is not one that I feel needs to be talked about publically, at least in detail. Those closest to me are aware of the situation. It’s important to understand that this isn’t between her and I. It’s between her and the kids. My role has largely been to help both sides find path forward together, in as healthy a way as possible.
I thought I only had two moves left in this situation because I can’t control the actions of others. I can either let the situation continue to play out, which is a bad idea, or say enough is enough and simply end it, which is an absolute last resort, but something I can, and will do if I must. I have been feeling trapped by these options, as neither are ideal, and they all have very serious consequences, life altering consequences.
That said, I was recently presented with a third option that I wasn’t expecting. It hadn’t occurred to me that the kids could/would decide for themselves what they wanted to do, but that seems to be the direction we’re going in.
Along with their therapist, I could simply listen to the kids, and let them decide what they want to do going forward. Ultimately, it’s their lives that are being impacted, and they are old enough to know what it is that they want. Obviously, this has been really hard on the kids. It’s also been really stressful for me because I’m not an asshole, and I want to see the boys having a healthy, productive relationship with their mom.
As of last Tuesday, it seems the kids have made their decision, at least for right now. It’s a matter of helping them to figure out what that means for them going forward. Helping them to understand the consequences of choosing this path, and more importantly, ensuring that they understand this isn’t their fault. Yes, their therapist is heavily, heavily involved in this entire process.
For the record, as their father, I’m not happy about any of this. It’s absolutely heartbreaking for me as a parent but my focus is on helping the kids heal and move forward. I’m encouraging them to remain open to the possibility of, and being willing to embrace positive change.
People change. Sometimes it can take take a while to find a way to fit them back into our lives, in a healthy, productive way.
I believe that sometimes, it can be okay to leave certain doors to the past open. I think that not everything has to be permanently established. I’m trying to teach my kids that it’s okay to love people from a distance, and that putting their own emotional wellbeing first, isn’t selfish. They’re kids and it’s not their job to deal with adult problems. Their job is to be a kid for as long as they possibly can, learn along the way, and grow up to be amazing human beings.
I’m so incredibly sorry for all they’ve had to go through, and yet I’m so proud of the young men they are proving themselves to be with every decision they make.
They will get through this and we will find a path forward. At the moment, it may not always feel that way to the kids but it’s my job to forge said path and make sure no one gets left behind.