I wanted to talk a little bit about my personal growth journey. I’ve been very open about this newer foray into learning more about myself, growing into a better version of me, as well as finding peace, and happiness. I turned 40 a couples of years back, lost my last remaining grandparents, went through a divorce, and became a single parent with a shit load of responsibilities that can sometimes be overwhelming. If there was ever a time for self-reflection and personal inventory, this was it.
What I haven’t done recently is talk about the progress I’ve made. I don’t usually pat myself on the back but sometimes it’s important to acknowledge the progress I’ve made and give myself a little credit for all my hard work.
When I first started taking a long hard look at myself, I didn’t like what I saw. My self-esteem was at an all time low for a million reasons and I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I needed to take better care of myself both physically and emotionally. I was blaming myself for things that weren’t my fault and holding myself to an impossible standard, all while feeling like a complete failure..
I’ve began this journey of self-discovery almost two years ago now and so much has changed. I don’t really know where to start but I’ll sum it up as best I can.
Two years ago, I was really struggling to adjust to the changes that had occurred all at once. I feel like I could have handled things better but honestly, I did a pretty good job, especially considering everything that was on my plate.
I have put a great deal of effort into managing my depression, and moving my family (me and the kids) forward. On the depression front, I’m doing amazing. Depression is always lurking in the background but I’m standing on a solid foundation. Between therapy, taking my meds, and exercising, I’m doing well.
Speaking of exercising, I’ve been back to the gym for about a month now and it feels amazing. I was worried that it would be tough to get back into but I was hooked after the first trip back. Working out has such a positive impact on me, I think my body and minding were craving it.
I’ve lost 80 lbs over the last two years and I’m becoming friends with my reflection. That sounds a little weird, and possibly vain, but it’s so important that I am comfortable in my own skin. I’m working out every day and this time, I’m including cardio. When I was working out years ago, before I got hurt, I never did cardio. Now I include hills on the treadmill after lifting.
My amazing workout partner is gone for the next week so I’m only accountable to myself. Rather than skip the gym, I still make sure I go, even if I go by myself. As much as I prefer working out together, I don’t mind working out alone sometimes. I throw in the ear buds, crank some music, and get shit done. I’m looking forward to her return though. ☺
Working out has such a positive impact on me emotionally, and it definitely helps me manage my depression. I have more energy, and I can think more clearly. It’s just a win-win for me.
I’m getting stronger both physically and emotionally. That’s a very good thing in my book.
I’ve found that I’m a more confident person as I move forward. I still experience some insecurities but they don’t control me or create excessive anxiety anymore. I’m more upfront about what I want, as well as, being vocal about what upsets me. I feel really good about who I am and I’ve not been able to say that in forever.
Work is going well and I’m finally bouncing back from the pandemic. I’m also able to manage this gs better because I’m thinking more clearly. All of the symptoms of depression have been subsiding and I feel more like myself again. I like how that feels.
My ultimate goal is to meet someone and build a life together. That’s important to me. I’m not in any rush but I also recognize that life is short and waiting around on the sidelines isn’t what I want to do. I’m keeping this part of my life relatively private for now but things are going very well, I’m happy, I feel incredibly lucky, and she’s absolutely amazing.
I feel like life is leading me down a new path. I’m excited and hopeful for what the future has in store. Nothing is perfect but if the goal is happiness, good health, and emotional wellness, I’m in a great place.