This is one of the hardest things I’ve had to witness and as a father it breaks my heart 

I really struggled with whether or not to share this video with the world. In the end, I decided that there’s nothing that would be embarrassing for Gavin because to him, all of this is as real as the nose on your face.  He’s not ashamed, nor should he be. In fact, watching this, I’m in awe of just how well he does manage these two separate lives. 

 My hope is that this will help put into perspective, what Gavin’s living with.  

The video you are about to see is five minutes in length and has no sound.  It’s safe for work and it simply shows what it looks like for Gavin to go on one of his missions.  This is what it’s like to watch Gavin battles evil forces that only he can see.

Gavin came downstairs yesterday afternoon and informed my wife and I that there had just been a big fight back at base. I asked him if it had just happened before he came down and he confirmed that it had.
While he’s telling his Mother and I all about it, I pulled up the video archives and looked back a few minutes.

I was looking to see how Gavin actually, physically experiences his missions. I wanted to know if he was physically interacting with his visibly challenged group of super best friends or if it was the kind of thing that he just sat there and everything sorted faded around him and he was enveloped in a world only he could see.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter because hallucinations can be experienced both ways but it’s been a really long time since one of these episodes has been witnessed.

As I was scrolling through the video archives from moments before Gavin came downstairs to talk, I found the answer to the above question.  Below is what I found.

This clip is silent and lasts about five minutes. The total footage I found was about 30 minutes long but I snipped the smaller clip because it’s enough to help you understand.

I don’t know why seeing this hit me so hard but I was fighting back the tears as I watched this video. Gavin is sorta narrating in the background as he tells us all about what happened while I’m watching the events unfold on video.

I didn’t let him see me upset and Lizze held it together as well.  After he went back upstairs, the tears fell.

Seeing this makes it feel so much more real and it forces me to face the reality that I sometimes try to hide from. Gavin’s not well. He’s seeing, hearing, touching and physically battling things that only he can see.

It’s easy to watch this and just say Gavin’s got a great imagination but that simply isn’t the case.  I mean yes, he has a great imagination but this isn’t just a kid with an overactive imagination.

Gavin’s straight up living A Beautiful Mind and it’s always going to be that way for the rest of his life.

As his parents and family, we love and accept him for who he is.  We don’t know any other way. That being said, his future scares me because I don’t know how much worse it’s going to get.

We can always hold out hope that new medication will be discovered that will further reduce the schizophrenic symptoms and increase the quality of his life.  At the moment though, as I’m watching this video, reality smacks me in the face when a terrifying thought enters my mind that I think every special needs parent shares.

What will happen to Gavin is something happens to my wife and I?


  1. That was interesting to see. I am thankful with Gavin it is the world of sonic than any other. Have you seen Gavin go on these missions with his visually challenged friends before or are you normally hearing them after the fact. if you only heard about the thing after the fact I think seeing it happen and not being able to do anything to help your son then what you have already done.

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