I can get really frustrated with myself -

I can get really frustrated with myself


I’ve got a jam packed week ahead of me and it’s all pretty exciting stuff. I have a few interviews this week and will close them all off with Kate Swenson from Finding Cooper’s Voice. She’s going to be on the pod to talk about her new book Forever Boy. I’m looking forward to that.

There’s a lot of prep going into this upcoming trip and my brain has been working overtime. I was gently reminded today that I can sometimes overcomplicate things.

I’m following some really good advice and making a list of everything that needs to get done before I go. I can finally get it out of my head and into paper. I made a list tonight and I’m going to refine it as I go but it does seem to help me sorta seperate myself a bit. Writing it down with paper and pen is a really good idea.

Stop. It’s been 4 days since I tried writing this article. Everything you just read was started 4 days ago and it’s still not finished. Before I completely fail to produce something meaningful, I’m going to make this a teaching moment.

Okay, so this is a perfect example of why I get frustrated with my ADHD brain. I can’t just sit down and finish something. I get distracted and never finish what I start. I guess it’s not fair to say never but it happens far more than I like. I know there are so many things going on in my life right now, but being able to write a few paragraphs in one sitting shouldn’t be that hard and yet here we are.

I decided to just roll with my thoughts right now rather than trying to force something that just isn’t going to happen.

Am I frustrated? Yes! Do I wish I was better managing this stuff? Yes!

Here’s the deal. Until such time that I can get on medication to correct the biochemistry in my brain, I’m going to struggle with this. I can allow myself to become frustrated and quit or I can use the situation to help provide insight into what this is like for me, as I become more aware of my neurology.

I’m even getting frustrated as I’m writing this because I’m feeling pulled into different directions. I have projects both inside and outside of the house. I’m anxious to get the outside painting done and continue making progress on the inside of the house. I have to finish getting ready for my trip and get business cards printed out. There’s a million things that I should be able to better manage but I just keep constantly triaging everything and never get anywhere. The kicker is that I’m doing this to myself.

No one is pressuring me or making me feel like I’m being pulled in too many different directions. It has nothing to do with my kids or the other people in my life. If anything, all the love and support I receive from those closest to me, helps me to push through. It’s important that I’m clear about that. This has nothing to do with taking on too much or being too busy. It’s just how my brain seems to work.

I’m just trying to share what is going on inside my head. I feel like if I was alone in a room, with absolutely nothing to do, and zero responsibility, I would feel the same way. It just is what it is and I have to work through it for now.

My whole point is this. I’m an emotionally intelligent adult, with at least average intelligence, lots of coping skills, tons of life experience, and I struggle with this everyday. Just imagine what our kids with ADHD are going through. That gives me pause and a great deal of empathy, and even regret. My kids have struggled with ADHD over the years and I could have been more supportive. I didn’t really understand. I needed to become more self-aware to gain this insight and I wish I had discovered this sooner.

Anyway, maybe someone can relate..

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BJW

Rob, can you roll with this a little? For example, I actually enjoyed reading the part of your post where you talk about how hard it was to finish. The beginning part was good, albeit less emotional. Dealing with ADHD will be your rock even with medicine, probably.

My husband is like you. Has a hard time finishing, and he will do many things but finishing one thing takes longer, as he tries to do ALL THE THINGS. So I feel sympathetic to both you and him, although his difficulties impact me more (fixing house etc).

Maybe pick a part of something you need to do, and finish that part before doing something else? Then you would feel like you had accomplished your goal for the day. I have to do this, not due to ADHD, but due to health. I literally don’t have the energy to do a big project, so I have to cut them up into tiny bites. Your problem isn’t energy, but attention span. Still, I think it might be easier for you to jump projects if you have small, manageable goals.

Just a thought! Use it if it helps, discard if not. Hope things go better. But seriously, writing and posting about your feeling and struggles is a good thing, and that is where you writing shines.

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