I’m in a dark place right now and I’m trying so hard to work through it. I’m reminded daily by those closest to me, how far I’ve come, and how far my kids have come but I just can’t always see it for myself. I need to focus on it though because it’s keeping me moving forward on days I don’t even want to get out of bed.
I found this picture while scrolling through my photos today.
It’s heartbreaking when you know the story behind it and while it was happening, people always told me to force him sleep in his own bed but I just couldn’t.
For the first couple of years after his mom left, the only way he would sleep at night is if he wrapped his arms around my neck and glued himself to my side. He was so afraid that I was going to leave him in the middle of the night too, and this was the only way he felt safe enough to close his eyes. In his mind, if I tried to leave, he’d wake up.
It took a long time and lot of therapy, love, and patience for him to work through that trauma. We still have work to do, but he’s so much better and has been sleeping on his own for a good long while now. Did I do the right thing? Maybe. Maybe not. I did what I thought was right and while I paid a price with lack of sleep and a sore neck, I would do it again because he desperately needed that comfort after his whole world fell apart.
I’m in a pretty dark place right now and I need to remember these things because it shows that I am in fact, making progress with my kids. It reminds me that I’m actually a pretty good Dad, even though I often times don’t feel like it.
Progress isn’t always linear and sometimes it’s not as easy to see it. I saw this today and I was flooded me with memories, some good and some painful. But it also made me smile because we made it through that dark time and found ourselves in a better place.
It gives me hope that I’ll get through the dark times I’m feeling lost in now and someday find myself in a better place.
I’m the mother of a 25 year old son with Autism. I am not a single parent, btw. My son has a great father. You should consider yourself one as well. It takes a real man to raise three boys alone, especially when they are on the spectrum. The journey is tough at times, but hang in there. Anyone with a child on the spectrum knows the struggle. But in the end, it’s the love that keeps us going. God Bless you for all you do for these fine young men!!
Thanks Patti. I really appreciate your kind words. 🙂
It is always good to share the tough and hard as well as the happy and sunny. My kids were never “diagnosed” on the spectrum but they were all very gifted and it wasn’t easy chasing 3 of them through that as a single mom. Parenting has no manual and each child is different. We do the best we can with what we know at the time. Sorry you are in a rough place but looking at the progess you all have made you should be proud of all of that and be gentle on yourself, no one is perfect but you know this situation better than anyone and are doing fabulously.
Thank you for sharing a bit of your life. I appreciate your kind words and support.
You are a great man. Never forget that my friend.
So are you brother. 🙂