Gavin’s missions have taken a dark turn today and I’m at a loss

Gavin sat Lizze and I down tonight to fill us in on some bad things that happened back at base today. 

I’m going to be really honest and admit that after a little while, I shutdown. I listened to him go on and on for 25 minutes before I just couldn’t take it anymore.  Self-preservation kicked in and I sorta went to my happy place.  

He didn’t know the difference and to him, I listened to every word he said.

Apparently, Twilight Sparkle broke someone’s arm today but it wasn’t her fault because she was being controlled by King Modor (I think that’s his name).  

Long story short, Gavin and is group of super best friends, had to go track down the evil King and break his hold over Twilight Sparkle. This didn’t go as planned and Gavin got really angry and had to unleash his animal spirit. 
Gavin went on to explain that he became the White Dragon. 

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His White Dragon form defeated the Kings army. Gavin returned to his Gavin form and was soon faced with a difficult decision.  

Since the King could always always use mind control on Twilight Sparkle in the future, Gavin had no choice but to kill the King.  He said that he completely destroyed the King and then the kingdom began to crumble like a house of cards.  

It was at this point that I felt sick to my stomach and began to shutdown.

I don’t think Gavin’s ever taken a life before on a mission. Even if he believed it was for the greater good, he still thinks he killed someone and he’s okay with that. 

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You’d have to sit and listen to him go on and on about this stuff in order to truly appreciate what this feels like.  

This particular psychotic break has been going on for over three months now and it continues to get worse as time goes on.  We see his psychiatrist on Monday and we’re going to have to seriously think about adjusting his antipsychotic. 

Nothing about increasing his Clozapine excites me in any way. It’s dangerous and may or may not end up helping but something has to give. 

Lizze and I are at a loss.  

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Even while Gavin has all this going on, he’s still always wanting to help out and constantly asks if there’s anything he can do for us. He’s such a great kid and doesn’t deserve this. 

After listening to him talk about today’s events, my demeanor has taken a nosedive. It’s so hard to remain upbeat, hopeful or positive in the face of this type of situation. It so overwhelming and just sucks the life right out of me.  

I’m so heartbroken. I’m overwhelmed. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m angry that this is all happening.  

All I can do is try to remain focused on what Gavin needs and do the best I can to meet those needs.