Gavin’s missions have taken a dark turn today and I’m at a loss

Gavin sat Lizze and I down tonight to fill us in on some bad things that happened back at base today. 

I’m going to be really honest and admit that after a little while, I shutdown. I listened to him go on and on for 25 minutes before I just couldn’t take it anymore.  Self-preservation kicked in and I sorta went to my happy place.  

He didn’t know the difference and to him, I listened to every word he said.

Apparently, Twilight Sparkle broke someone’s arm today but it wasn’t her fault because she was being controlled by King Modor (I think that’s his name).  

Long story short, Gavin and is group of super best friends, had to go track down the evil King and break his hold over Twilight Sparkle. This didn’t go as planned and Gavin got really angry and had to unleash his animal spirit. 
Gavin went on to explain that he became the White Dragon. 

His White Dragon form defeated the Kings army. Gavin returned to his Gavin form and was soon faced with a difficult decision.  

Since the King could always always use mind control on Twilight Sparkle in the future, Gavin had no choice but to kill the King.  He said that he completely destroyed the King and then the kingdom began to crumble like a house of cards.  

It was at this point that I felt sick to my stomach and began to shutdown.

I don’t think Gavin’s ever taken a life before on a mission. Even if he believed it was for the greater good, he still thinks he killed someone and he’s okay with that. 

You’d have to sit and listen to him go on and on about this stuff in order to truly appreciate what this feels like.  

This particular psychotic break has been going on for over three months now and it continues to get worse as time goes on.  We see his psychiatrist on Monday and we’re going to have to seriously think about adjusting his antipsychotic. 

Nothing about increasing his Clozapine excites me in any way. It’s dangerous and may or may not end up helping but something has to give. 

Lizze and I are at a loss.  

Even while Gavin has all this going on, he’s still always wanting to help out and constantly asks if there’s anything he can do for us. He’s such a great kid and doesn’t deserve this. 

After listening to him talk about today’s events, my demeanor has taken a nosedive. It’s so hard to remain upbeat, hopeful or positive in the face of this type of situation. It so overwhelming and just sucks the life right out of me.  

I’m so heartbroken. I’m overwhelmed. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m angry that this is all happening.  

All I can do is try to remain focused on what Gavin needs and do the best I can to meet those needs.  


  1. Once again, I’m sorry for what you and Gavin are going through. I have no expertise in this area, so this amounts to a question and is in no way advice or a suggestion. Has any thought been given to trying to explain to Gavin that these are hallucinations? Or instead of simply tacitly acknowledging the hallucinations, actively suggesting to Gavin that he can control them and thereby alter what he experiences? Again, not advice or even a suggestion, just wondering clinically what advice you have been given in this area as to how to respond to the hallucinations, particularly if they continue to get darker…

  2. I had to actually reread some sections but overall I am speechless at what to say this is sadly beyond my area of odd knowledge. I hope that Gavin has some to any sense between the world that his mind goes to and the real world with you, Lizzy, Emmet, and Elliot.

  3. I also have no expertise in this area but I wonder if it would be helpful as Jimmy suggested to explain to Gavin that these are hallucinations. Also it may help to engage him in more reality based activities instead of finding pokemon for example. I am sure that there is no simple answer but I wish you all the best.

  4. Thanks everyone. Unfortunately, trying to explain that to Gavin only serves to confuse him more. The only reason he’s so open about it now is because we stopped the “these things aren’t real” talks.

    He knows he’s not supposed to see this stuff Hut if we make a big deal out of it or do anything other than just listen, he will hide it from us.

    We see his psychiatrist today and I’m hoping we can find a direction to go in.

    Thanks again for all the love and support. . ☺

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