The main topic of this appointment slowly became Gavin. Lizze and I are really struggling with Gavin lately and not for the reasons you might suspect.
We’re struggling with things from a mortality perspective.
I don’t talk about this very much because the more I talk about it the more real it becomes. The truth is, we don’t know how long Gavin has on this Earth. His health is continuously worsening and new problems keep popping up. Some of the health issues are beyond rare and so no one knows for sure what to expect.
What I know for sure is that his speech is getting damn near impossible to understand, even for us. His body just seems to be falling apart. His joints all pop and his legs are frequently giving out on him as well. He can’t remember things anymore at all and has lost many previously mastered skills. His grip on reality is all but gone and he spends most of his day engaging with his hallucinations.
This ended up being the main topic of our appointment yesterday. The reason was because of how deeply this impacts us as parents and how much stress/anxiety we feel on a daily basis. Coming to terms with all this is something that we have to eventually do.
Anyway, the appointment was both physically and emotionally exhausting. On the positive side of things, we opened up about all this and that’s not something either of us do very often. It feels like if we talk about it, this whole thing becomes more real and that’s a very painful realization.
As we move forward in marriage counseling, we are going to work on better dealing with this whole Gavin thing. It’s not going to be easy but it’s something that really needs to happen because this is something that we need to face.