For fuck’s sake, enough with the judgement already



We had a pretty good day. Emmett had a rough start and missed his first class of the day but recovered and did fantastic. Elliott did awesome as well. Unfortunately, he’s experiencing some technical difficulties with the connection to the school but their tech support is looking into it.

Tomorrow is an offline day for Emmett, meaning he doesn’t have any live online classes but he uses the time to work on his school work and cna meet with his teachers should he need extra help.

Okay, I’m going to stop here because I feel there are some things that need to be addressed.

I have my share of trolls and I’ve been trying to let most of the comments stand lately but sometimes, they’re so mean spirited that I simply don’t want the kids ever stumbling across them. Those comments get removed. Today was one such day.

I want to make something clear because it seems to escape some people’s comprehension.

All three of the boys are on the autism spectrum. This means that unless you having first hand experience raising autistic kids, you have absolutely no right to criticize what you don’t understand. Most of the time this shit rolls off me but on occasion, it gets under my skin and I don’t have a problem admitting that.

Gavin is the most profoundly impacted. Elliott and Emmett are very high functioning and most people, wouldn’t pick up on the fact that they’re autistic. That doesn’t mean their lives aren’t challenging because they are.

The fact of the matter is that life can be very challenging for autistic kids, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum, especially right now. Routines are out the window and anxiety is running rampant. Parents like myself are only human and on our very best day, with unlimited resources, there are very real limitations to what we can do to help our kids.

When it comes to navigating the difficult but necessary switch to remote learning, it’s not going to be perfect. For fuck’s sake, there are days where it’s just not possible, and guess what, that’s okay. Our kids have very real limits and while challenging those limits isn’t a bad thing, respecting them is of vital importance.

Perhaps most kids like having a dedicated workspace when it comes to remote learning. Well guess what, my kids prefer to sit in bed. They are fully clothed, highly participatory and doing just fine.

Would I prefer them to be in a dedicated space? Honestly? Yes I would. But you know what? It’s not about what I want. It’s about what they need and if they need to manage this nontraditional form of education in a nontraditional way, who the fuck cares? I certainly don’t and neither should you.

You’re delusional if you think that anyone is going to receive a quality education during a fucking global pandemic. Everyone is struggling with this. As we enter into the fall, it’s only going to get worse because we’re hitting flu season. As a society, our priority should be surviving and doing whatever is necessary ensure our kids wellbeing, both physically and emotionally.

We can’t even get grown-ups to wear a mask and you’re complaining about my kids sitting in bed while attending their live lessons? Seriously?

There are some people out there who live sad, lonely lives and they derive pleasure from putting other people down because it makes them feel better about themselves. That’s truly a sad existence and I honestly feel pity for you.

Here’s the thing. When you leave nasty, thoughtless, hurtful, ignorant comments to an autism parent, on a site frequented by autism and special needs parents, you’re not only attacking me, but them as well.

One of the reasons this blog has remained relavent for over a decade is because so many people can relate to the things I share here. They find comfort in community and it makes a difference in countless lives across the globe..

When you try to insult me by saying that I’m “everything that’s wrong with distance learning,” because you don’t agree with the way I’m handling things, you’re insulting all the parents out there who are struggling to make this untenable situation work. It’s not going to be pretty or perfect. As parents to autistic kids, we have to be creative in our approach to things. While it’s not necessarily a good thing to give our kids a pass on life because they’re autistic, it’s likewise unfair to hold them to the same standards as their neurotyoical peers.

Let me bottomline it for you. Unless you have experience raising autistic kids and you can do better or have constructive, well intentioned ideas that might help, shut the fuck up.

I’m not perfect and I’ve never once claimed to be. I’m physically raising three autistic kids alone, some high risk, during a global pandemic, trying to work and get my kids through school with little in the way of breaks. It’s messy and challenging but I’m doing the best I can.

I know this is a bit petty but my kids aren’t distance learning. It’s called remote learning and there’s a difference. Here’s a podcast episode I did that explains everything. Enjoy the free education.

To everyone else out there. Thank you so much for your continued support. Ya’ll are my village and I truly appreciate you. Please stay safe and have a great week. ☺

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M.B.V.Rodriguez

You do an amazing job of being an advocate, a writer dad, and an expert troll handler! Best written clap back I’ve heard in a long time! “Fuck off. Then fucking off until you come to a gate with a sign saying “You Can’t Fuck Off Past Here”. Climb over the gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever..” Damn good writing! Keep doing what you do best! And to hell with the rest who can’t comprehend the nuances of language or the art of advocacy.

bigabilities

I get this ALL the time. At first it upset me so much. At times it still does, I just try really hard to realize the world still has a LONG way to go in accepting our kids and roll my sleeves up again to help make it happen. Those of us in the autism community need to stick together, and to hell with the trolls.

Cindy

I don’t know what the accusations and nasty comments were because I didn’t see them, but be happy and be proud that you are able to have your children do their schooling form home, however that may look like. I have friends with jobs outside the home that doesn’t allow them that option and they are sick sending their kids into a school everyday.

Curtis G.

It’s no sense of me going into what I think of idiotic trolls who hide behind their keyboards and whose lives are so empty that their only joy in life is to search the internet to make comments or give their worthless two cents on topics they know little to nothing about or have any experience in dealing with something as difficult as raising an autistic child. All of us out here who both understand, appreciate your honest and frankness and learn from your own personal experiences in raising your three sons, understand immediately what you are talking about and what you stand for. I’ve written previously that I am 70 years old, my wife is 65 and we are the caretakers of a 36 year old son who has autism. So we have been down this road for a long time when their was little to no knowledge of autism until the movie Rain Man made people aware of autism . And as someone who has gone through countless doctors, trips to the emergency ward, long road trips to doctors and hospitals far from our home, my son’s panic attacks, sleepless nights, weight loss, other medical issues and other lows, but also gone through some very good highs in watching our son accomplish things doctors told us he would never be able to do. We’ve also seen our son serve as our youngest son’s main motivation to change his direction to go to college for criminal justice to instead going to medical school and becoming a doctor all because of his autistic brother. I say to all your trolls and I’m sorry for the language-You trolls know nothing, contribute nothing, have no idea how it is to walk in Rob’s shoes. And no, you can’t even imagine it. And if you are in fact someone who has someone in your life who is autistic, then you are so way off base in your opinion of Rob. You should understand him and what he is going through. If you are just someone who knows nothing or has no experience in living with autism then you are pathetic individuals who get some kind of twisted pleasure projecting your own insecurities and false sense of importance in the only outlet to your miserable little lives by being trolls with no purpose in life except to be internet parasites. In conclusion, you are assholes who need to do as the late Bruce Lee used to say “Open your minds.”

Emelia White

Wow. I cannot believe someone would even mention that. I do not have autistic sons. Our goals around here are apparently pretty low…everyone dressed, beds made, etc. My oldest is doing distance (or remote? Not sure how you define) through his regular high school. It is not going well. For him or any high schooler he is friends with. My younger two boys I am homeschooling through a charter so I have some guidance. Is anyone learning anything? Who knows! Am I learning a lot about how my kids learn, what they know and what/how materials are being taught? Yes! Are some days good? Yes! Are some days bad? Absolutely! Lots of them. My primarily goal is that my high schooler doesn’t fail his sophomore year and that the younger boys don’t lose more than they already have during the off months. I appreciate the honestly you bring to the table and have enjoyed following your posts.

Curtis G.

My last comment on this subject is addressed to Christina. I don’t know if you really are a woman or a man hiding behind a woman’s name. But after reading your extremely petty and snarky comments towards Rob, I can only surmise that you are a very miserable, angry, pathetic person with way too much time on their hands or suffering from your own personal demons. I would suggest directing your negative energy into something more positive. Tearing down innocent individuals and not understanding what they are going through in their lives appears to be the norm these days. My suggestion Christina, if you, for whatever childish reason, don’t like Rob or his opinions and honesty regarding how he navigates through this tough road of autism, then may I suggest you start your own blog where all the trolls can meet to fester in the ignorant, muddled, slime pit world inside your collective minds. No one here is interested in your opinion of Rob. So you have gained nothing. If you can’t see that this man loves his three sons and is the rock that these three young people depend on for their survival, then I feel very sorry for you. Please for your mental well being Christina, take a look at yourself in the mirror and realize what is staring back at you needs to become a better person. If I have addressed this to the wrong person Christina, please accept my apology. But we parents and caretakers should stick together and learn from each other, not divide from the main cause which is helping our children with autism live and thrive in such an already divided country and world.

EdgyMomma

I just came across your blog recently and I was intrigued as I am also the parent of three boys with autism. My two oldest are high functioning and my youngest is severe. It’s very easy for ignorant people to be brave behind the anonymity of their keyboard and to spew hateful things. They don’t have a clue what it’s like to be an autism parent so they have no right to judge. You’re doing what’s best for your sons and in the end that’s all that matters. I know it’s hard to sometimes let those shitty comments go, but that’s also the beauty of being a writer! You can call them out on their bullshit! Anyway, great post and keep being awesome!

Christina

OMG. I know it’s doth, you are the one who didn’t know that until you were corrected on Twitter WHICH IS WHY I CAPITALIZED IT. Your need to appear intelligent is laughable.

Christina

Thou DUST protest too much! Judgement is an accepted variant. Read: misspelled so often that it has become normal and accepted. This doesn’t make it right.

Christina

“I know this is a bit petty but my kids aren’t distance learning. It’s called remote learning and there’s a difference. Here’s a podcast episode I did that explains everything. Enjoy the free education.”

Backatcha! You spelled judgment wrong. Enjoy the free education.

Christina

For all of those people condemning me because of what you perceive to be harsh words, I ask that you go back and read Rob’s blog from the beginning. Go back to where he complains about his family or when he tells his grandmother that he doesn’t have time to respond to her emails. Go back to when he said he thought of Elliott and Emmett differently than he does Gavin because they are his biological children. Read about how he treats Gavin like the stepchild that he is and forces him to drop out of school. Read about how he skipped his own brother’s wedding because he was too ‘sad’ to attend. Read about how he treated his wife like a child until she left not once but twice and how he still refuses to take any responsibility. How he blamed her leaving on the kids. Then move on to him letting the kids live without hot water for an entire summer because he cannot figure out how to manage the money. Having a 60” state of the art TV while letting the utilities go unpaid. Lots of you have just shown up in Rob’s world. Others of us have been reading for years and hoping for change. Hoping that this is the day he lets the kids make a friend. Hoping that this is the day he speaks to Gavin with a little respect. Hoping that this is the day that he stops being a narcissistic and controlling father. Come back when you’ve read all that and if you still think I’m wrong and harsh, then so be it.

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