I’m struggling with my depression more recently. I think that probably goes without saying. So many people are struggling with depression right now. I’m far from alone in my struggle but it still feels lonely.
Thankfully, I’m still doing okay. I have my days but who doesn’t? I feel like despite our current situation, I’m so lucky that we are doing as well as we are. So many people are far worse off and I make sure never to forget that. Perspective is so important when trying to navigate something like this. I’m also making an effort to remind my kids of this as well.
The holidays are particularly difficult.
I finished about 70% of my Christmas shopping and I will probably complete that in the next week or so. My kids have come of age in regards to Christmas so it’s bit less stressful but now it’s lost its magic.
Our dining room has a corner full of boxes. It’s their presents wrapped in decorative Amazon boxes. There’s nowhere to hide them and the kids are always here when the deliveries show up. I could further complicate my life by having them delivered elsewhere but it’s not worth it at this point.
The kids don’t even want them wrapped. I’m torn on that because truthfully, I don’t even want to wrap them. I mean, I miss the magic of Christmas with my kids but I’m so fucking tired at this point, I may just make piles. How terrible is that? It feels pretty terrible to me. We’ll see what happens.
In other news, my divorce will begin moving forward this week after the COVID delay. I’m super excited about that. Not really. It’s absolutely the right thing to do and I don’t even have second thoughts about it. At the same time, it’s heartbreaking for me. It’s a mix bag of crazy, roller-coaster type emotions.
Having said that, Lizze and I have worked out everything. There’s no fighting whatsoever and we continue to be partners in parenting. It’s not perfect but it works and frankly, that’s good enough for me. Fighting wouldn’t be good for anyone, especially the kids.
The emotional part for me is saying goodbye to my marriage. I didn’t want this but have come to accept it. As stupid as it sounds, I wanted to be one of those couples married for 50 or 60 years. It is what it is and like I said, I’ve accepted it and moved on. I truly mean that. On all practical levels, I’m good. It’s weird to say that but it’s true.
Getting this done will bring closure for me. I’m not sure how the kids will feel but they know it’s coming. It’s not a secret but it will finalize things and I’m not sure how they will react.
Anyway, aside from that, I did schedule one extra interview for this coming week. It will end up being episode 41 and while I know it’s an odd number, it’s also a really cool person who’s doing something truly awesome for the autism community. I’m actually pretty excited about it. I decided to hold off releasing a new eposide this past Friday because of the holiday. Next release with be this coming Friday.
Oh, I almost forgot. The car has to return to the bodyshop in order to fix issues with the new paint job on the entire driver’s side of the car. It should only be a couple of days at most but that presents its own challenge this week.
I’m off to bed while the gettin’s good.