It’s been a couple of days and the truth is, I’m just overwhelmed right now. The kids are a handful lately and after almost 270 days of our avoiding COVID journey, I think that is to be expected. Just because it’s expected or understandable, doesn’t mean it’s easy.
We had a relatively quiet Thanksgiving and ended up ordering Denny’s via Doordash. We had cooked a turkey a few days prior and the kids wanted breakfast from Denny’s. I figured, why the hell not..
That was pretty much the bulk of our week. I think we went for one hike and that was about it (pictures below).
The battery in the car went bad and I had to get it replaced. I also had to do that while preserving as much isolation as possible.
Thankfully, my brother came to the rescue. I took the car to him while he was at work. He grabbed a new battery, swapped them out and then I paid over the phone. It worked out well and it was great to see him, even if only through the car window.
This is such a challenging time for the boys and I. It’s challenging for anyone taking this pandemic seriously and I truly appreciate everyone who is.
I know there are some who think I’m overreacting and that’s fine. Perhaps you aren’t trying to keep a child who’s immunocompromised safe. Maybe the fact that he’s more likely to succumb to complications of COVID than most other people hasn’t occurred to you. It doesn’t really matter though because at the end of the day, I’m responsible for the lives in my house. I have to live with whatever happens.
Truthfully, I was stressed out about his health before the COVID pandemic. This is a whole new universe of worry and there’s no way to avoid this. I have to treat all of us as though we’re high risk because any exposure to one of us puts all of us at risk. It’s a lot of pressure, especially doing it alone.
I’ve never felt this alone in my entire life. It’s seriously isolating and that has an impact on all of us.
The kids miss their friends and they miss their mom. I miss adults in general. At this point, I have only been around my kids for so long I’d settle for a face to face conversation with a terrible person. I miss being able to go places and be around other people without spending the entire time wondering if they’re infected or not. I miss going to the movies or out to dinner with my kids. Shit, for that matter, I miss the reality of actually being able to realistically think about dating again. I miss not being alone. It’s fucking depressing.
I completely understand. My 23 yr old PDD-NOS daughter & I live alone. I’m disabled so we didn’t go out much before COVID, even less now. My daughter can go DAYS without speaking to me & think nothing of it. She will sit in her room whispering & acting out videos she has memorized all day long but will just give me an empty stare instead of answering “perogies or tater tots with our burgers?” I lost my cool earlier this week about it and then when I calmed down I suggested she find 3 websites she looks at a lot, tell me what they are so I can glace over them, and then pick one thing from them a day to talk about. I don’t care what we talk about just talk about something!
I also have my son & his GF in VA I can call for adult conversation when needed. Usually though my adult conversations are with my doctors.
Heather, this is so hard. We will get through this and find light at the other end. Until then, if there’s anything I can do, please reach out. ☺
I’m feelin’ your pain. Well, my pain, but similar pain I can empathize with. Not able to go anywhere (add narcolepsy and drop seizures to COVID = doom I think). My divorce (didn’t want it, 22 yrs-what happened to old and rocking chairs?, came to accept it cuz the alternative was unhealthy and it’s part of somebody’s plan apparently…) was final about 7 yrs ago. Maybe 6 yrs—OMG I can’t remember the year. Dayumm! Time flies. So a little ahead of ya there. Depression… yep, when I’m not spastic. Oh, wait, I meant manic lol (bipolar). Magic of Christmas… what? Huh? Early on, that sweet child o’ mine couldn’t have cared less about the present but there better be tissue wrap. And now (12 yrs old-severe autism/GRIN2A mutation) no chance of a particular “wanted” gift. Just hit or miss in all aspects. Still haven’t found that perfect toy… you know, “the one” that will surely just click and poof, communication clear, functioning normal. I finally got over wandering around stores, crying, looking nuts, seeking out “the precious” lol. Wow, I just rambled. Trust me, I’ve got more but I’ll spare you. Just wanted to commiserate and say, I don’t feel so freakish now lol. Thanks for that! Serious note… I’m sorry and I hope the little things we know are blessings show up in your life magnified so they feel humongous to you. After all, who doesn’t want to feel humongously blessed? So humongous blessings to you and yours!
Thank you so much for sharing your life with me. My goodness, you have so much on your plate. As you so eloquently said, our pain is a little different but our ability to both relate and empathize is incredible. Special Needs parents are bonded in a way that makes us all one big family. We’re spread across the globe and our store is may be different, but we innately understand each other’s lives.
There have been moments this past week where if I had – had the energy to cry, I would have.
Work has been slow, and that’s going to really hurt in December. COVID is simply ravaging this country and especially my particular State.
I’m used to being relatively isolated, as many special needs parents are, but this is something entirely different.
The divorce, as you said, was both unplanned and unwanted but ultimately the best thing. That journey is very new for me but it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Lastly, you weren’t boring me or overwhelming me with your story. Please, always feel free to share whatever you feel the need to share. You can always email me as well if you need to talk.
My best to you and yours. You totally got this. ☺
We 4 had our Thanksgiving. One additional person who didn’t have anywhere to go came over. Since she spends her time masked in public and is very careful, as she is immunocompromised, we decided to make an exception. We’re more likely to get sick through our son who works in food services anyway (although they mask and clean a lot). We probably won’t be doing much for Christmas, although we should have a tree up soon.
I’m glad you guys are safe. We still have to put our tree up as well. I just need to find the energy to get the house caught up first.