T-minus 30 Days

We’re just beginning to wade into 2021 and there are already some major changes coming our way. Perhaps the most important is the finalization of my divorce. Lizze and I learned that exactly 30 days from today, our divorce will be final. That’s a good deal faster than either one of us had planned on.

We had projected that we would be looking at the second or third week in February at the earliest.

This really doesn’t change anything but it just pushes the date forward a bit. Nothing aside from that has changed. I guess I was knocked back a little because I had prepared myself for a later date but I supposed sooner is better than later.

The kids are aware of this and while they aren’t aware of this particular date because we just learned of it, they seem to have mostly adjusted. We aren’t without our struggles in this area but it doesn’t seem to be at the forefront of anyone’s mind.

For me personally, it’s not like I’m going to be thrilled after this is done but it will provide some much needed closure and I’m hoping to gain some further peace in my life. The idea of putting this behind me is very attractive and I do appreciate it happening at the very beginning of the year because it can sorta set the tone for rest of it.

Practically speaking, nothing is really going to change in our everyday lives. We’re still going to be on lockdown and visits will be limited for safety reasons.

At the end of the day, all things considered, what we’ve managed to put together from the ashes of our marriage is working. That’s really all that matters and frankly, it’s more than many divorced couples find. That’s something to be grateful for. That being said, we didn’t find something that works because we’re just lucky. I don’t feel like luck has anything to do with it.

The reality is that we’ve put in a great deal of time, energy, and sacrifice in order to get here. It requires a great deal of work and trust.

I’m only pointing that out because I don’t want anyone thinking that our co-parenting success just fell into our laps. We made the very conscious decision to make this work. It wasn’t always easy but it also wasn’t impossible either.

Getting divorced is probably going to be among the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my entire life but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. There is life after divorce and I’m excited to find that as soon as we end this goddamn pandemic.

Remember that this doesn’t have to be ugly. For Lizze and I, our kids quickly became our common ground and we built from there. Find a place of common ground and work together to build something that promotes peace, cooperation, trust and effective co-parenting.

I feel like I need to make a quick disclaimer because someone is going to inevitably bring this up. For Lizze and I, there was no abuse, fighting, violence, drugs or any safety issues that contributed to our situation. Not every situation is safe and you have to always prioritize both the safety of your children and yourself. Please understand that I’m talking to about parents who choose to make things ugly because they are emotionally hurt, angry, or bitter. I’m not talking about situations in which there are very real safety concerns. Please be safe.

I just wanted to be clear about that.

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Elissa

Having gone through a recent divorce (finalized in Nov 2020) after almost 18 years of marriage, I can completely relate, and like you, we have been able to get along well and put the needs of our children first. Remembering that we were, and still are friends helps, and accepting that as much as saying goodbye to the marriage was painful, there are much happier days ahead for all of us.

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