I learned something important today and I wanted to share because maybe it can help someone else. It’s actually tough to admit this stuff but you know, personal growth.
Life is going well for me. I feel I can honestly say that. In the last couple of years, I’ve had a tremendous amount of shit happen that left me pretty banged up. At the end of the day, I got us through it. It’s not perfect but I’m okay with that. I’m making progress each and every day. New opportunities at work keep popping up and I have a plan for moving forward that I think is going to help make a big difference.
We’ve been working on the house and it’s going well. Weather has been interfering a bit but that’s life in Ohio.
The kids are doing great and I’m so proud of the amazing young men they are. They’re better than me in every way and I’m so lucky to be their Dad.
While I’m not going into details about my personal life right now, I do want to say that things are going incredibly well. I’m learning as I go but I feel like I’m doing pretty well. I’m blessed to have someone in my life who is beautiful inside and out, smart, kind, patient, understanding, and about a million other things that I didn’t even know were missing from my life.
Today was another terrific day. It just was. At the same time, I feel like I learned a valuable lesson.
There’s so much uncertainty in life and we all carry fear, pain, and countless other things from past experiences. It’s kinda hard not to sometimes. Our experiences can have a lasting impact us.
I’ve made the conscious decision to not allow my past experiences to color the moment with fear and doubt. It’s not exactly a science but rather a work in progress, and an imperfect one at that.
Sometimes though, my insecurities can creep up on me and when I avoid dealing with them, it can end up sending the wrong message. I was recently reminded that honesty, openness, and trust is simply the best approach. I know that can be scary but sometimes it’s just a leap of faith. If they’re the right person, that level of honesty, and vulnerability will bring you closer together. If not, it’s probably better to find out now.
One of my big insecurities is having people over to my house and so I’ve just avoided having people come over. Sometimes there are legit reasons, especially when your dating, and even more so when you have kids at home. Dating with kids can be tough to navigate and my kids are literally home all the time. It can be easy for me to sorta hide behind that for longer than I should and just not have someone over.
There’s really no reason for it aside from I have this impossibly high standard set for myself. I expect things of myself that I would never expect from anyone else. My house is over a century old. It’s an old house and while it has character and history, it also has scars from all the life that it’s sheltered over the last hundred years.
We have several projects underway and in various stages of completion. It drives me crazy but it’s a work in progress.
The kids and I have survived a ton of life altering things over the last couple of years. I was in survival mode for a portion of it. I was exhausted, beaten down, depressed, and in kind of a darker place. It just is what it is. Sometimes life sucks. We do what we have to in order to survive, but at some point, we have to get back on our feet and move forward.
The boys and I are doing so incredibly well now and we’ve been hard at work rebuilding. Honestly, I’m really proud of all we’ve accomplished and I’m we’re not slowing down. We’re taking on one project at a time and moving on to the next, while making the best of what we have.
Rather than emprace it for what it was, I felt shame and that’s not easy to admit. Like somehow, my worth was wrapped up in things like needing to repaint or replace some carpet. It’s sad that I allowed myself to be feel this way but I’m not going to do that anymore.
I had a very honest conversation about my fears and insecurities. I learned how my actions had impacted others and made them feel.
I’m one of the truly lucky ones. My worth is seen not in things, but rather who I am. I will never take that for granted and I will never make the same mistake again.