It’s been a long weekend and I think it’s taken its toll on me. I can’t seem to pull myself out of the funk I’m in. I’m struggling a bit tonight because I’m feeling like a failure on many fronts.
I realize that perhaps I’m taking a few blows on the depression front and that my plate is overflowing with things to worry about.
I’m feeling pretty crappy right now and I wanted to share my thought process because maybe it can help someone else who’s going through the same thing.
When things get overwhelming, sometimes I can sorta turn on myself. I focus on all the things I’m doing wrong or not doing good enough and it’s very defeating.
Tonight, I’m worried about everyday life stuff.
I still haven’t heard back from Dominion about when they will be out to turn the gas back on. That’s occupying some of my mental resources. I’m worried because I have a few out of town appointments for the boys and Lizze this week. Financially, it’s going to be tough to pull off, especially the trip to Cleveland. Fuel and parking isn’t free.
I’m behind on the mortgage and groceries are proving difficult to keep in the house. The boys are really struggling with their food proclivities and that’s not making anything easy.
It’s hard to feel like I’m succeeding in anything right now.
Emmett slept through the night last night and I still didn’t get a good night’s sleep. There’s too much on my mind and I can’t shut it down.
I’m exhausted beyond words and I just wish I could shutdown for a little while. OMG… To be able to find some peace of mind….
Anyway, this doesn’t even factor in all of the Autism related things. All the schizophrenic related hallucinations I hear about each day and have to try and process without showing my son how heartbroken I am listening to his words.
Life is overwhelmingly and tonight, it’s gotten the better of me. I’m feeling very much like a failure.
The reason I’m confessing these things is because I want you to know that you are not alone.