Like anyone else, I find myself frustrated at times with my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and I’m grateful for every breath I get the honor of taking with them in my life. I have an amazing family, both on and offline as well.
While much of my life is a struggle right now, I’m always aware that it could be worse and I’m grateful for each day I live to fight another fight. I would never intentionally let my kids down either.
All things being the same though, I do find myself frustrated at times because it feels like I have a great deal on my plate and I just can’t catch a break. My kids can’t seem to catch a break either.
My life has been extremely challenging as well and I just get tired of the constant struggle. It’s exhausting, demoralizing, frustrating, overwhelming and even embarrassing at times.
I sometimes feel like the powers that be are throwing everything they can at me, just to see me dance around.
The reality of being a special needs parent is such that most of the struggles faced are invisible to the rest of the world. The world doesn’t see the reasons you’re so exhausted. The world tends to assume you’re just lazy because your house is a mess or your yard is overgrown.
The world doesn’t care that you have to pay for medications and therapies for your child with Autism and only care that you aren’t paying your other bills.
The world doesn’t bother to look beneath the surface and instead often judges you based on what they choose to see.
There are times that I can reach a point where I honestly start thinking about what it would be like if I just gave up and quit fighting. What it would it be like if I just gave into the exhaustion and dropped every ball I was managing to keep in the air.
You know something, that’s a very human thing to feel.
Being a special needs parent is kinda like prescribing a medication off label. A medication is designed for a specific task, but sometimes, it can have additional functions that it was never designed to have. In other words, special needs parenting is one of those things that simply requires more than I think humans were designed to handle.
The fact that so many people manage to exceed their design limitations and function under conditions that the rest of the human race, simply can’t even begin to imagine, is testament to the strength one gains when they love their child unconditionally.
No matter how much you love your child, you will feel things like frustration, exhaustion, anger, fear, pain, happiness, joy, amazement and even resentment.
The human condition dictates that most of us will feel these emotions from time to time. It’s extremely important to remember that feeling said emotions, in no way deminishes the love and devotion felt for the child in question.