A long overdue update on Elliott

It’s been a really long time since I’ve updated on how Elliott’s doing, outside of the shit that was going on with the bully at school. 

There’s actually quite a bit to bring you up to speed on. There’s lots of good news but also some struggles as well. With Elliott, things are kind of a mixed bag right now. 

Read This  It's been a mix of meltdowns and warm fuzzies 

For starters, the bully situation seems to be completely resolved at this point and Elliott’s attitude about it has changed for the better. He no longer feels like a victim and that’s huge. 

He’s also doing better with the after school program. Both he and Emmett go on Thursday’s only and that seems to be the compromise that works best.

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  1. Braden

    I think you might want to consider getting him involved in some activities on his own…check the Y or the Police Athletic League in your area. You would be surprised how quickly their attitudes can change when they are part of a team. Especially at that age.

  2. Kim Gebhardt

    I feel like part of this is indeed autism and/or ADHD, but the other part is normal sibling behavior. Your boys are together ALL THE TIME. They wake up together, go to school together, are together after school, and then go to bed together. They never do anything with friends that would have them spending time apart. Aren’t there any groups or teams that Elliott join? Boy Scouts or some sort of sports team? A little autonomy might do Elliott a world of good.

    1. Kim Gebhardt

      If you can’t find anything formal, maybe just talk to some of the other school parents and set up play dates. In all the years I’ve been reading your blog, I’ve never read about any of the kids going to a friend’s house for a birthday party or play date or read about anyone coming to the house. It’s sad to me that outside of the occasional family function, their only socialization comes from physically being in school.

      1. JR

        Very very important point. I indirectly raised this as an obvious downside to homeschooling.

        But as far as play dates go, it doesn’t need to be anything elaborate or even that prearranged, or even at someone’s house. For example, the next time you take the kids to the park (maybe bad example with winter coming but just go with it), get in touch with a couple of the boys’ classmates’ parents. Tell them “we’re going to be at the park at 3 if you want to join us.” Instant play date. Check out activities at the local library and see if any other kids would join yours there.

        Do the boys ever ask for play dates or express any interest in doing anything socially outside of the family?

        1. Kim Gebhardt

          Yes! It doesn’t have to be anything exciting or formal, just some outside interaction. And I would imagine the adult conversation (with people who understand their lives) would be good for Rob and Lizze too. I feel like going to a park and running around and just being kids would help with the extra energy and sleeplessness too. Kids need to do more than play on tablets; they need a physical outlet for all that kid energy.

          1. JR

            Kim, there’s another great point in there. Rob’s constantly touting his objective of ensuring that people know that they’re not alone, but just as you mentioned about the kids, we don’t really hear much about Rob himself ever socializing. The parents of the kids’ classmates could be a tremendous resource. I mean, the Internet’s great, but it’s just no substitute for people who are right there who can relate to what you’re going through and just get it. Setting up play dates could really open up a lot of doors for your whole family. I hope that’s something you’re considering, Rob. Quite honestly l’d be surprised of that hadn’t been suggested to you, particularly with all the therapies you/the family receive(s).

            1. It’s a good idea Jimmy and one that hasn’t escaped us. As I mentioned to Kim above, it’s just not that easy. There are a great many things that happen in our daily lives that I no longer write about. I’m just too tired to rehash everything I lived through by writing about it.

              You also have to remember that until June, I was on my own and barely keeping my head above water. We’ve been focusing on reintegration for most of the summer and spending time together as a family.

              As we continue to financially improve, more oprions become available and more doors open. Where we live, the kids can’t play outside and there’s not a great deal to do without involving some travel.

              It’s also true that we don’t have many friends because it’s not easy to maintain them and I’ve written about that many times. Going into the new year, we want to begin making smaller, sustainable changes that could include things like playdates or other group activities.

              There aren’t any support groups around here either and while I’ve considered starting one, I’m already spread to thin as it is.

              Anyway, rest assured that your suggestions haven’t escaped us and as the logistics become more attainable, we will absolutely move in that direction..

              Thanks Jimmy. Hope you have a great week.

              1. JR

                Believe me I know it’s so much easier for someone else to make suggestions in comments than it is to actually do these things.

                I do think you have so many challenges in so many different areas that at times it must be nearly impossible to prioritize and keep things in perspective.

                All I’ll say is that when addressing these challenges sometimes it’s best to go after the ones that will give you the best bang for your buck- ones that if you address successfully, they will have direct and indirect positive affects on other related and unrelated aspects of your lives, thus addressing other challenges in ways you might not have even foreseen. The play date thing might be one of those things.

                Thanks again for taking comments in the spirit that they’re intended.

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